You are my Helper

Complete terror takes over when I know I need to ask someone for help
that it cannot be avoided
that there is no other way

I would gladly suffer any deprivation
than to face the panic
vulnerability
and risk of hurt rejection
that comes with having to ask for help

Acts of service are a large part of my love language.
So when I have no one to help me with practical duties and needs
I feel very unloved


somehow I feel ashamed for being an inconvenience, a burden a nuisance
when I sense the weight of my life is leaning on someone else

"Cast your care on the Lord for he cares for you" I Peter 5:7

Yes, I believe you care for me
I believe I can let the weight of my life fall down onto you
You are not annoyed
you are not interrupted from something else more important that you are doing
you are glad to see me
you are glad to help me
you are strong and able
you are not overburdened

you are wise
you are never at a loss what to do
 you are never worn out, exhausted, depleted, out of resource
isaiah will not faint nor be discouraged

you will accomplish your purposes
you are excited to include me in what you are doing
I am not an annoyance to you
I am not an unwanted burden to you
you have time, love and affection for me

you earnestly long for me to come to you
unburden my heart to you
Hannah poured out her soul before the Lord
Ps 130 out of the depths I cried to you

I don't have to be ultra nervous that it must be said just right or
an explosion will occur
You want me to speak
Job I will speak in the anguish of my soul
you wrote down all of Jobs anguished speaking you recorded it
it is a longer book than any single gospel
even when I can do no better than the raw unadulterated pain aguish rage grief sorrow bitter and crushing disappointment that is within
Yes, respect you
but yes I can speak with you
and you are not annoyed at me for asking the hard and true questions that are on my heart
you welcome them
you smile when you see me coming
instead of grimace and turn away
your face lights up to see me
your arms open wide
there is love and compassion shining in your eyes
you know what I am feeling and facing
you understand me and what will help
you even explain to me what I am feeling and why

all you want is for me to come to you
you want to be with me in my day to day life
in the ordinary and the mundane
the trivial and even the banal
what is beyond anyone else's ability to even listen to
much less stay engaged with

I do not need to fear to come to you
you will be with me
you will help me

Yes, sometimes you do have to tell me things that I are painfully true
upsetting disturbing and that require me to change
But you are right there with me, loving me
staying the distance with me
committed, unswayed or deterred by the difficulty

You are my rock my high tower my shield my buckler
you will hold my hand and lead me through this
you will be with me
right here with me
deep down inside where no one else can go

Glory to you
what an amazing God you are
I love you because you have first loved me

"Herein is love, not that we loved God but he loved us and gave his son to be the propitiation for our sins." I John 4:10

I will not leave you all alone like orphans. I wil come back to you.
If you love me you will do the things I command. I will ask the Father and he will give you another Helper. He will give you this Helper to be with you forever. The Helper is the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him because it does not see him or know him. But you know him. He lives with you and he wil be in you.
John 14:18, 15-17

Matthew 11: 28-30
²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”