lack of sweetness and the wellspring

Yes
there are many things that are sweet and times of sweetness
But there is also pain, terrible pain in this life

pain so excruciatingly sharp, deep and profound that is sucks down all sweetness

all the more so because so much pain we experience
seems to have no discernible point at all
and/or may seem endless in scope
with no hope of change or resolution in sight

Living lives of quiet desperation even while seemingly whole and fine to superficial view

What to do with all of this pain?
Where to find any sweetness great enough to mitigate all this suffering
How to bear, endure, and heal?

Can a human being live without some sense of being loved
of being cared for
desired
enjoyed
and able to contribute in meaningful ways to the lives of others

I can distract myself with a flurry of activity
entertain myself with a myriad of attractions and escapes mentally physically, emotionally spiritually
delude myself by taking refuge in lies and distortions

But truth has a way of confronting us
giving me the opportunity to face it
if  I am willing

Jesus says," I am the Way the Truth and the Life, no one comes to the Father except by me" John 14:6

He is the truth and if I want to know God and trust in Him, it necessitates experiencing truth

not just truth about eternity, life after death, and my spiritual state
truth about my life right now as well
the truth about me

and the truth is
I am more needy than I am aware of

the need is deep
profound
and cannot truly be met
by any friend
meaningful service or achievement
by a spouse
or children
by education
or luxury
or power
or esteem
or education
or fitness
or even by positive thinking
or an attitude of gratitude alone
or hope that things will change in the future
or ______________
fill in the blank

These are all wonderful things
beautiful and wonderful gifts
meant to be taken with gratitude and enjoyed

but if I am honest
they are never enough
to fill and heal my deepest longings and hurts and desires

I am left with really only two choices

a fluctuating sense of despair
that is sometimes bearable and other times not
or
God




What does it mean to trust in God?

1-3 A white-tailed deer drinks
    from the creek;
I want to drink God,
    deep draughts of God.
I’m thirsty for God-alive.
I wonder, “Will I ever make it—
    arrive and drink in God’s presence?”
I’m on a diet of tears—
    tears for breakfast, tears for supper.
All day long
    people knock at my door,
Pestering,
    “Where is this God of yours?”

yes, deep longings that only the fullness of God himself can assuage 
the assumptions of many, even myself, that if I am trusting in God
shouldn't things be going better than they are? 
Why does God seem absent when I need Him the most?

4 These are the things I go over and over,
    emptying out the pockets of my life.
I was always at the head of the worshiping crowd,
    right out in front,
Leading them all,
    eager to arrive and worship,
Shouting praises, singing thanksgiving—
    celebrating, all of us, God’s feast!

yes I have experienced times of being filled with worship and joy in you

5 Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
    Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God—
    soon I’ll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
    He’s my God.

yes, the way up is always with you and not with me
or trying to understand what is going on
from my very limited point of view
but seeing again and again 
Who You Are

6-8 When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse
    everything I know of you,
From Jordan depths to Hermon heights,
    including Mount Mizar.
Chaos calls to chaos,
    to the tune of whitewater rapids.
Your breaking surf, your thundering breakers
    crash and crush me.
Then God promises to love me all day,
    sing songs all through the night!
    My life is God’s prayer.

yes, let me rehearse all I know of you
may I ever know you more and more  
even while experiencing chaos upon chaos  
it is your thundering breakers that wash over me 
but you promise yourself to me 
an avenue for my soul to communicate with you in songs and in prayer 
to express the pain and perplexities I feel 
along with the acknowledgement of who you are and all you have done 
to bring me into this relationship of love with you  
only through Jesus can I know you and see you

9-10 Sometimes I ask God, my rock-solid God,
    “Why did you let me down?
Why am I walking around in tears,
    harassed by enemies?”
They’re out for the kill, these
    tormentors with their obscenities,
Taunting day after day,
    “Where is this God of yours?”

yes, you want me to talk with you, 
ask you my questions 
talk with you about what I am experiencing 
and how I feel
you are my refuge
my safe haven 

11 Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
    Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God—
    soon I’ll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
    He’s my God.

Psalm 42 The Message

yes, Lord bring me to joy in you and rest in who you are 
waiting on you and your working and timing

Jesus is the good shepherd who seeks out the lost
You are seeking me in this
Help me not to harden my heart 
and shut you out in my pain and anger and despair

You want to come and find me
You want to be with me
Right here and now
where I am
Please find me
save me

You are with me 
Yes, that is what I need the most

You are the only true wellspring of joy
the only deep balm of comfort and peace

Praise you