beautiful God part one

Why did this happen
Why did this happen now, here?
What is God doing here?
Why doesn't God answer my prayers?
Why did God allow this to happen?

These are all very painful questions

So much of what I experience seems random, pointless or even cruelly orchistarted

I believe what the Bible teaches:  An all powerful, all knowing, all wise God who is love
who is tender and compassionate and humble and sacrificial and amazingly beautiful

And yet I experience profound pain and deep agony and suffering, not only in my own life but also in the lives of those I know and love.

How can I live in truth and reality and empathy with those around me while maintaining a robust and vibrant faith and personal trust in this God I know to be the ultimate truth
the only enduring truth, the greatest reality that there is

It seems impossible to live in the tension between what we see as two opposing realities.

If God is good, how could he allow ___________
why do i pray and nothing at all seems to change and sometimes things even get worse

or I refuse to acknowledge the deep suffering and painful realities around me because i want to hang on to my belief in a loving God and I dismiss or deny the authenticity of what is happening

how to be authentic and genuine and also faithful to you O Lord

So many attempts to be true to who you are O Lord end up dismissing away the authenticity of the suffering  or trying to assign meaning to circumstances and events that diminish the reality of those in the middle of these tragedies

or worse yet, I know what it is like to blame the victim,  if only you had trusted God more, you just need to have more faith, if you would just obey him...   adding failure of faith to the burden that person is already being crushed by


the truth is your hurt hurts me and I want to try to explain it, avoid it, minimize it, assign meaning to it, explain it away in an attempt to protect myself lesson my own pain

how to genuinely walk in the midst of great human need with empathy and compassion and also maintain my trust in you lord.

Oh Lord to teach me and show me how to be geuinely human and genuinely trusting in you

Job
God had reasons but he never explained any of them to Job or anyone else either
Job's suffering was because God trusted him and knew him
All of Job's pain and lament and questioning was recorded for us
God values every word
even the unhelpful criticisms and "encouragemnts" of his friends that he must have done something wrong to have brought this upon himself and if he would only repent things would get better

at the end God reveals himself to Job by asking him questions designed to show Job that God was different and vastly superior to him.  Not what we think of as comfort

What Job needed most of all was to see and know who God is

to see that God is way above our feeble attempts to control or understand our lives
and interpret circumstances.

This is the only true place of comfort for the soul
to see who you are in all your power and glory
all your care and compassion
to be firm and steadfast in your character
and to leave the interpretation of events and happinstance to you alone
in your time and in your way

the only beautiful thing is only you Lord
I don't understand how ....
but I can know you
I can have a relationship
with you that does not change with tragedy hardship pain or sorrow
my situation relatioships circumstances may change drastically suddenly unexpectedly

my feelings and inner state may rise and fall and twist and turn with events and words and happenings
but you remain the same
as I know you, even as I may fluctuate down and up up and down
you remain
constant
steadfast
consistent
unchanging
beautiful
let me see you Lord
when I am filled with joy and overflowing with hope and love
 let me see you

when I am in the dark night of the soul and overwhelmed
let me see you

others may like me
others may despise me
others may seek me
others may ignore and avoid me

let me see you
you are beautiful Lord
John 11

Look up

i want to take a few minutes to share something beautiful

where it begins is not so lovely just yet...

 for some time now I have felt that there was little about myself or my life that was beautiful or attractive. You know all those negative voices and perspectives we so easily fall into. 

our hearts long for beauty and to be beautiful .

 what is truly beautiful?

 God is so beautiful 

to find what is truly most beautiful I need to look away from myself entirely

When the people of Israel were in the dessert, they experienced poisonous snakes that bit them and injected fatal venom.

  But God told Moses to make a bronze snake and put it up on a pole 

 whoever looked up to towards that was miraculously healed and lived 

even though they had the venom coursing through their veins.  

i have been thinking over this for many days.  How there is bitterness and toxicity in my soul that I cannot get out.

 Pain and hardness and anger and it is destructive to myself and those around me. 

But that snake on the pole was put there, right there in the midst for any to look up to and live. 

And how, there is something so beautiful and amazing and utterly transforming when I see Jesus. 

  All that negatively does not come from him. 

John 3:15 Moses lifted up the snake in the dessert.  The Son of man ( Jesus) must be lifted up also. 

 Then everyone who believes in him can be with God forever

this lifting up is referring to when Jesus was lifted up and put on the cross. 

v 16 God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son. Anyone 

who believes in him will not die but have eternal life.

There is a lot to talk about in this verse but see the beauty of the Lord

God loves who? the whole world, not just some and not others or part and not the whole,

 every person is someone God loves  God is not exclusionary or narrow or limited like we are.  

And his love is not some good feeling he is just sitting and having but his love gives, 

gives what is most precious to him, gives to those who don't even care 

a love that is passionate and actively seeking each one of us here today. 

God sees and values so differently that we do.

Jesus told a story to some people who were sure they were right with God. They looked down on everybody else.  he said to them, "two men went up to the temple to pray. One was a Pharisee (a highly esteemed religious leader).  The other was a tax collector ( they collected tax money and whatever else they wanted from their fellow countrymen to give to the Romans. They were greatly despised and universally hated. )

The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself. "God, I thank you that I am not like other people, " he said.  "I am not like robbers or those who do other evil things. I am not like those who commit adultery.  I am not even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week. And I give a tenth of all I get. "

But the tax collector stood not very far away. he would not even look up to heaven.  He beat his chest and said, "God have mercy on me, I am a sinner. "

I tell you, the tax collector went home accepted by God . But not the Pharisee.  Everyone who lifts himself up will be brought down. And anyone who is brought down will be lifted up. Luke 18:9-14

We all feel insecure and are tempted to compare ourselves to others to try to make ourselves feel better. 

  I am sure every one of us has experienced what it is like to be around someone trying to do this,

 even in the midst of a community of those who trust in Jesus. 

But how beautiful is the Lord. 

 He is closest to us when we are most genuine about our need of him.

  No matter how this tax collector felt about himself or how others viewed him, God made him accepted and loved.

God can be seen and beautiful even in my areas of greatest need, lack and weakness.

  Dear Lord, 

You are beautiful.  You love us deeply, truly, passionately. 

 help us to see Jesus and our hearts will be drawn to him.  

heal the hurts that others have done to us in their brokenness and need and ours.

  transform us as we seek to let your truth penetrate into our deepest places. 

 Make yourself beautiful in each of us. 

and help us to build healthy relationships with others who can encourage us to trust in you. 

Bless each woman that is here

may she know that she is deeply valued and greatly loved. 

She may not feel it or see it. 

But it is true just as you are true. 

help us to step into that reality today by your grace. 

amen

Romans 5: 1-8 New International Version (NIV)

Peace and Hope

5 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b]boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Relationship Over Results

one of the worst whispers of the devil
is that what I am doing is pointless
accomplishing nothing
of no purpose at all

one of his most painful lies
is that my life is just a random occurrence
and a series of senseless happenings
no rhyme or reason
no purpose or intent

the other extreme can be just as painful
Believing God has personally and specifically orchestrated each and every word, action or event
easy to believe when i like what is happening
very painful to believe when the tragedy of human life hits me full on.

Trying to live in the tension of believing in a Sovereign and loving God
who is all powerful and all knowing and all loving
with the reality of experiencing life in a fallen world with broken beings capable of failure and sin and selfishness and cruelty.

And the seemingly randomness of events and happinstances

One day, God told a certain to go outside and push on a rock.
So, she did as he directed
she pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed
with all of her heart and all of her focus she pushed.

At the end of the day, she went before the Lord:
"Lord, I have pushed and pushed and the rock has not moved at all.
Not even the tiniest of movement has occured in any direction."

"My precious daughter," said the Lord, "I did not ask you to move the rock.
 I only asked you to push on it. You have done all that I have asked you to do. "

I relate with this little parable, because I find when I look for results in what I believe God wants me to be doing, I am easily discouraged or confused or disilllusioned

sometimes the things you seem to be doing or asking me to do seem to be pointless and futile

Then I looked, and there before me was the Lamb, standing on Mount Zion, and with him 144,000 who had his name and his Father’s name written on their foreheads. 2 And I heard a sound from heaven like the roar of rushing waters and like a loud peal of thunder. The sound I heard was like that of harpists playing their harps. 3 And they sang a new song before the throne and before the four living creatures and the elders. No one could learn the song except the 144,000 who had been redeemed from the earth. 4 These are those who did not defile themselves with women, for they remained virgins. They follow the Lamb wherever he goes. They were purchased from among mankind and offered as firstfruits to God and the Lamb. 5 No lie was found in their mouths; they are blameless.

Rev 14:1-4 NIV

There is much I do not understand completely about this passage but it encourages me.
I see what you are getting Lord,  you are getting persons that love you
only by your grace and the sacrificial death of Jesus
but here are persons that love you

They have the Father's name on their foreheads
it is who they focus on
who they love
who they are becoming more and more like

you are everything to them

This is so beautiful
I want to be this

it lifts my focus from looking for objective results in the here and now
to yourself and what you deeply desire

those who love you



it is so easy to focus on results

coming to you as some giant ATM

punch the right buttons and what you want comes out

you have the resource  boundless and infinite
amen praise you Lord

but i don't want to be known by what I do for someone and neither do you

you want to be known and loved for who you are

sometimes the things you seem to be doing or asking me to do seem pointless and futile

but you are getting firstfruits for yourself

help me to let you have the big picture of what it all means
and for me to just draw near to you at all times

to know you and be known of you
to listen to you and to trust you

to the best of my ability and knowledge, do the things I believe you want me to

trusting all the results to you.

Knowing that you are my reward and by your grace I will be yours

I can always pour out all my desires and longings and expectations and the results I long for
to you

You will pour your heart into me and give me your desires and YOU

This is what my heart truly longs for and what you desire as well.

When they are making a mirror for a telescope it is the random action of rubbing it in an overall irregular motion that actually makes the mirror perfectly shaped to reflect.
Yes, Lord I trust you, even in the seemingly random motions of this life, that you are polishing a smooth surface to reflect you more and more clearly.

Amen