beautiful God part one

Why did this happen
Why did this happen now, here?
What is God doing here?
Why doesn't God answer my prayers?
Why did God allow this to happen?

These are all very painful questions

So much of what I experience seems random, pointless or even cruelly orchistarted

I believe what the Bible teaches:  An all powerful, all knowing, all wise God who is love
who is tender and compassionate and humble and sacrificial and amazingly beautiful

And yet I experience profound pain and deep agony and suffering, not only in my own life but also in the lives of those I know and love.

How can I live in truth and reality and empathy with those around me while maintaining a robust and vibrant faith and personal trust in this God I know to be the ultimate truth
the only enduring truth, the greatest reality that there is

It seems impossible to live in the tension between what we see as two opposing realities.

If God is good, how could he allow ___________
why do i pray and nothing at all seems to change and sometimes things even get worse

or I refuse to acknowledge the deep suffering and painful realities around me because i want to hang on to my belief in a loving God and I dismiss or deny the authenticity of what is happening

how to be authentic and genuine and also faithful to you O Lord

So many attempts to be true to who you are O Lord end up dismissing away the authenticity of the suffering  or trying to assign meaning to circumstances and events that diminish the reality of those in the middle of these tragedies

or worse yet, I know what it is like to blame the victim,  if only you had trusted God more, you just need to have more faith, if you would just obey him...   adding failure of faith to the burden that person is already being crushed by


the truth is your hurt hurts me and I want to try to explain it, avoid it, minimize it, assign meaning to it, explain it away in an attempt to protect myself lesson my own pain

how to genuinely walk in the midst of great human need with empathy and compassion and also maintain my trust in you lord.

Oh Lord to teach me and show me how to be geuinely human and genuinely trusting in you

Job
God had reasons but he never explained any of them to Job or anyone else either
Job's suffering was because God trusted him and knew him
All of Job's pain and lament and questioning was recorded for us
God values every word
even the unhelpful criticisms and "encouragemnts" of his friends that he must have done something wrong to have brought this upon himself and if he would only repent things would get better

at the end God reveals himself to Job by asking him questions designed to show Job that God was different and vastly superior to him.  Not what we think of as comfort

What Job needed most of all was to see and know who God is

to see that God is way above our feeble attempts to control or understand our lives
and interpret circumstances.

This is the only true place of comfort for the soul
to see who you are in all your power and glory
all your care and compassion
to be firm and steadfast in your character
and to leave the interpretation of events and happinstance to you alone
in your time and in your way

the only beautiful thing is only you Lord
I don't understand how ....
but I can know you
I can have a relationship
with you that does not change with tragedy hardship pain or sorrow
my situation relatioships circumstances may change drastically suddenly unexpectedly

my feelings and inner state may rise and fall and twist and turn with events and words and happenings
but you remain the same
as I know you, even as I may fluctuate down and up up and down
you remain
constant
steadfast
consistent
unchanging
beautiful
let me see you Lord
when I am filled with joy and overflowing with hope and love
 let me see you

when I am in the dark night of the soul and overwhelmed
let me see you

others may like me
others may despise me
others may seek me
others may ignore and avoid me

let me see you
you are beautiful Lord
John 11