The Gopher Hiding Below....

my yard pockmarked like a bad case of acne

with piles and holes

dumps and craters

unstable for walking

the ground looking firm

but hollow beneath

giving way when I lean my weight on it

more air than substance below my feet

relentlessly tunneling

silently unseen

I rarely see him in action

but I see his effects everywhere

relentlessly digging, tunneling

 taking away my substance 

rearranging my supposed stability 

I have tried various and ineffective methods...

kicking the loose dirt back into the holes with disgust

stuffing rocks into gaping mouths

even pouring water from the hose full blast in a vain attempt to flood him out 

or at least convince him to go somewhere else

For all my efforts

there in the morning or early evening

evidence of fresh digging,

fresh deposits...

a few times, he has even had the audacity to stare me in the face 

eye to eye

but he knows I can never catch him in time

before he disappears out of reach into a labyrinth of secluded tunnels

Despair and hopelessness 

as he eats away all my greenery

all my cover

all my supposed beauty

the first step to progress is to admit that he is there

stop denying 

stop pretending he is some phantom of my imagination

"For they have healed the hurt of the daughter of my people slightly, saying, Peace, peace; when there is no peace" Jeremiah 8:11 KJV

how quick I am to say,

"It's fine."

"I am fine."

"It is no big deal." 

I am afraid to admit,

"Yes, that statement really hurt me."

"Yes, I really am angry about..."

Afraid others will not want to be around me

will reject me

turn away in disgust and abhorrence

"I don't want to be around that"

"what a complaining, negative, bitter person!"

But...

"...no one can have fellowship with an unreal person."(The Calvary Road by Roy Hession)

How to be real and truthful and 

also be kind and gracious and discerning?

I think for me, I am trying to talk to God first about the gopher

and then to others I trust

putting my emotions into words

let them be expressed

not covered over by a false peace

My point is that we must never shame a person who does not or cannot instantly feel the joy that awaits him or her on the other side of pain and agony. We must give them the kind of opportunity Jesus had {in the Garden of Gethsemane}
to work through the pain and the reality of suffering. If we do not, we push people into a place where they walk around with ungrieved losses and unresolved pain. This pain is never buried dead. It is buried alive and must be fed every day....
You must feel before you can heal, or you will stay wounded and in turn wound others who get too close. (Healing is a Choice by Stephen Arterburn pgs.33-4)

Oh Lord,

 teach me how to walk with you in transparency and truth

to be genuine and sincere

and to walk unafraid of what others think 

and yet be careful to say what is

helpful and not hurtful 

what is needed and necessary

to speak the truth in love

show me what this means

fill me with your Holy Spirit 

to move closer to 

this reality

¹⁵ Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, ¹⁶ from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. Ephesians 4:15-16 ESV

 postscript: I hope I cause no offense with the portrayal of a living creature, the gopher in my front yard, in a negative way. I am only speaking metaphorically. 
I also do not mean to insinuate anything by referring to him with a male pronoun.
It just sounded nicer. I am trying to point to a problem within me and not at anyone else, male or female, human or animal. :)

If anyone wishes to comment on how God is teaching them to "speak the truth in love," I would really love to learn from you...

I am usually way over on one side or way over on the other side...
 I am usually too honest, rude, overbearing, opinionated, judgemental or
 too superficially, nice, shallow and unreal.