Monday, September 1, 2014

Living in Love Without Shame

"the man and the woman were both naked and were not ashamed" Genesis 2:25 ESV

God did not create us to live in shame but in relationships of care, truth and intimacy with himself and others.

Shame corrodes and corrupts and isolates from God and from others

"Weary of selfishness and pride,
False pleasures gone, vain hopes denied,
Deep in Thy wounds my shame to hide,
  Christ crucified, I come."
 from the hymn "Drawn to the Cross, Which Thou Hast Blest"


Source: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/nt/1049/j=a&jbl=30&pt=c&pn=9&pjbl=25&nt=c&nn=12&njbl=15&lpn=1&clpn=1&jil=30#ixzz2hocThtPv


    One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to eat with him. Jesus went into the Pharisee's house and sat down at the table. A sinful woman in the town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house. So she brought an alabaster jar of perfume. She stood at Jesus' feet, crying , and began to wash his feet with her tears. She dried his feet with her hair, kissed them many times and rubbed them with them with the perfume. The Pharisee who asked Jesus to come to his house saw this. He thought to himself, 'If  Jesus were a prophet, he would know that the woman who is touching him is a sinner!"
              Jesus said to the Pharisee, 'Simon, I have something to say to you.'
    Simon said, 'Teacher, tell me.'
    Jesus said, ' There were two men. Both men owed money to the same banker. One man owed the banker 500 silver coins. THe other man owed the banker 50 silver coins. The men had no money; so they could not pay what they owed. But the banker told the men that they did not have to pay him. Which one of the two men will love the banker more?
     Simon, the Pharisee, answered, 'I think it would be the one who owed him the most money.'
     Jesus said to Simon, 'You are right.'
     Then Jesus turned toward the woman and said to Simon, 'Do you see this woman? When I came into your house, you gave me no water for my feet.  
But she washed my feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. 
You did not kiss me, but she has been kissing my feet since I came in!
           You did not rub my head with oil, but she rubbed my feet with perfume.

           I tell you that her many sins are forgiven.
           This is clear because she showed great love.
           But the person who has only a little to be forgiven will feel only a little love.'
Then Jesus said to her, 'Your sins are forgiven.' 
The people sitting at the table began to think to themselves,                                         'Who is this man? How can he forgive sins?'
Jesus said to the woman, 'Because you believed, you are saved from your sins. 
Go in peace.'"
           Luke 7:36-50 International Children's Bible

He has sent me to announce the time when the Lord will show his kindness...                He has sent me to comfort all those who are sad.                                                               He has sent me to the sorrowing people of Jerusalem.                                                                 I will give them a crown to replace their ashes.                                                                                 I will give them the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow.                                                             I will give them clothes of praise to replace the spirit of sadness.                                           Then they will be called Trees of Goodness.                                                                        They will be like trees planted by the Lord and will show his greatness."                    Isaiah 61:2-3 ICB

"But he took our suffering on him and felt our pain for us.                                                      We saw his suffering.                                                                                                            We thought God was punishing him.                                                                                              But he was wounded for the wrong things that we did.                                                            He was crushed for the evil things that we did.                                                                          The punishment, which made us well was given to him.                                                              And we are healed because of his wounds."                                                                          Isaiah 53:4-5 ICB

Shame

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shame

Shame is, variously, an affectemotioncognitionstate, or condition. The roots of the word shame are thought to derive from an older word meaning "to cover"; as such, covering oneself, literally or figuratively, is a natural expression of shame.[1] 
 ^ Lewis, Helen B. (1971), Shame and guilt in neurosis, International University Press, New York, p. 63, ISBN0-8236-8307-9 

A "sense of shame" is the consciousness or awareness of shame as a state or condition. Such shame cognition may occur as a result of the experience of shame affect or, more generally, in any situation of embarrassmentdishonor, disgrace, inadequacy,humiliation, or chagrin.[3]

A condition or state of shame may also be assigned externally, by others, regardless of one's own experience or awareness. "To shame" generally means to actively assign or communicate a state of shame to another. 
^ Broucek, Francis (1991), Shame and the Self, Guilford Press, New York, p. 5,ISBN 0-89862-444-40-8236-8307-9

Psychoanalyst Helen B. Lewis argued that, "The experience of shame is directly about the self, which is the focus of evaluation. In guilt, the self is not the central object of negative evaluation, but rather the thing done is the focus."[6] Similarly, Fossum and Mason say in their book Facing Shame that "While guilt is a painful feeling of regret and responsibility for one's actions, shame is a painful feeling about oneself as a person."[7

Following this line of reasoning, Psychiatrist Judith Lewis Herman concludes that "Shame is an acutely self-conscious state in which the self is 'split,' imagining the self in the eyes of the other; by contrast, in guilt the self is unified."[8

Simply put: A person who feels guilt is saying "I did something bad.", while someone who feels shame is saying "I am bad". There is a big difference between the two. 


  1. Jump up^ Lewis, Helen B. (1971), Shame and guilt in neurosis, International University Press, New York, ISBN 0-8236-8307-9
  2. Jump up^ Fossum, Merle A.; Mason, Marilyn J. (1986), Facing Shame: Families in Recovery,W.W. Norton, p. 5, ISBN 0-393-30581-3
  3. Jump up^ Herman, Judith Lewis (2007), "Shattered Shame States and their Repair"The John Bowlby Memorial Lecture

Simon the Pharisee said,
'If Jesus were a prophet, he would know that the woman who was touching him is sinner!" 
Luke 7:39

But Jesus did know...
He knew even more than Simon knew....

He knew it all..
every last sordid detail of every wrong and destructive choice

But he also knew
the regret
the shame
the desperate cry for love
for being loved

to be cherished
to be beloved
to be welcomed with open arms, full embrace and eyes lit up with joy

to belong
to be a part
to be meaningfully connected
in deep, personal, intimate and mutually desired relationship

He knew that she loved him

He knew    she knew that she only loved him because he had loved her first
you love a person not a choice not an action but a person

She knew she was not worthy
did not merit or do anything to earn his love

But she was loved, this she knew

loved completely, absolutely, thoroughly

there was no need to try to hide anything from him
there was nothing he did not see
there was nothing he did not know
He was perfectly clear about
the selfishness
the rebellion
the destructive pride
the refusal to listen
the persistence in sin
the putting of other people and things before him
the rejection of his grace before

But he saw beyond
the acts, choices, attitudes and words

to who he had made her to be
to who he wanted to make her to be
to who he was able to make her now

He saw her, all of her
He saw with kindness, with empathy, with understanding, with crystal clarity
He did not make excuse, deny, deflect or shift blame

He atoned
He forgave
He covered her
He accepted her
He loved her
He cherished her
He desired her
He hoped for her
He longed to transform
to renew
to recreate
His likeness in her
to bring her to what he has always intended for her

He knew the power of God
to cleanse
to forgive
to pardon
 to justify
to change
to transform
to create anew

He knew who she was
He knew who He was

She knew only Him in a room full of those who did not know who was really there with them that day

She knew she could pour out her love on him and he would not reject
he would not scorn
he would not despise or disdain

He would receive
appreciate
admire
respect
respond in love and gratitude

They were all in the same room but these two knew a completely different universe

Oh, Simon, if only you knew who it was who was in your house that day,
who it was among you
with you

You would have poured out your tears on his beautiful feet
for they were bringing the good news of the gospel of peace

You would have been free from caring what anyone else thought at all
free even from what you thought about yourself at all

a burning, fiery, passionate love would have consumed you so completely
as to leave your old self
old life
old desires
old pursuits
old wants
old vices
all behind in a blinding flash

an all consuming, passionate love
a blazing connection
igniting 

"For our God is a consuming fire" Hebrews 12:29 KJV

"Put me like a seal on your heart, like a seal on your arm. Love is as strong as eath. Desire is as strong as the grave. Love bursts into flames. It burns like a very hot fire. Even much water cannot put our the flame of love. Floods cannot drown love. If a man offered everything in his house for love, people would totally reject it."                       Song of Solomon 8:6-7
If human love can be described this way, how much more God, who is love himself
able to burn away all impurities, all traces of contamination, to purify
to bring us to himself
he wants love in return
not only things and actions
but my whole person
actions springing from this source of love

Oh to see you, to know you
to let your holy fire burn within
so that we are nevermore the same old selfish, stale, self-centered sinner

but pouring our our love on you and on one another for all to see
tears of amazement
gratitude
wonder
crazy love
kneeling
wiping with our hair
You
the one whom all our hearts truly long for

She alone, in this house, knew who He was
a priceless treasure none could ever take away from her
a precious person for whom all could be sacrificed

"The slave girl gave a name to the Lord who spoke to her. She said to him,                                'You are 'God who sees me.'''                                                                                                    This is because she said to herself, 'Have I really seen God who sees me?'"  
Genesis 16:13 ICB
Your love was enough to enable Hagar to return to a difficult situation and remain there instead of fleeing away.
You can enable me to love the one or ones that you have put in front of me
to love them as I would love you      as you are loving me
"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you did for me" Matthew 25:40 NIV

There is therefore now, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."     Romans 8:1 
an example of one such woman: Perpetua
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ch/131christians/martyrs/perpetua.html

I have been really helped by the community formed at writewhereithurts.com

Saturday, August 23, 2014

The Uninvited Guest

Luke 7:36-38New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

A Sinful Woman Pours Perfume on Jesus

36 One of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him. So he went to the Pharisee’s house. He took his place at the table.
37 There was a woman in that town who had lived a sinful life. She learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house. So she came with a special sealed jar of perfume.38 She stood behind Jesus and cried at his feet. She began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair. She kissed them and poured perfume on them.
New International Reader's Version (NIRV)
Copyright © 1996, 1998 by Biblica


The Uninvited Guest

He was invited to dinner at the house of Simon the Pharisee. It was a lovely house, a delicious dinner elegantly served. The perfect evening for host and guests. 
But then the uninvited guest showed up.
She was not of the same social status
She was not of the same class
She was not of the same economic status
She was not dressed properly
She did not know how to speak properly
She did fit in in any way
She was not respected, wanted or even politely tolerated
Talk about awkward...
Even Luke who wrote this episode down for us did not even know or give her name
She is know simply as a woman who had lived a sinful life.

We all sin
some sins are not easily seen by others except God
But this woman was identified by hers
Was there anyone in that room who did not immediately recognize her, know her
but only by her wrongs
only by her wrong choices
they saw nothing more about her

Why did she come and put herself into this most extremely awkward of situations?
uninvited, unwanted?
She had heard Jesus was there
She did not know when she would have another opportunity
So, she took an albastar jar of most precious perfume 
and she came
uninvited
unwanted
dispised
and judged 
her life a foregone conclusion
no hope of change in the minds of most

But

She came to love
She came to bless
She came to worship
She came to pour out
She came to be with HIm
She gave Him what Simon, the host, could not
She gave Him what the delicious dinner and the polite guests and the beautiful house did not

Love is messy
it interrupts and distubs
it upsets and shocks

She loved him and was not afraid to show it
She gave what she had
her love
her worship
her tears
her hair
clean feet

She was not stopped by viewing herself as unworthy to come to him
she was not stopped by viewing what she had to give as unworthy
she was not deterred by the location or the people there

She was determined to get to him
to be with him 
to pour our what she had
for his sake alone

She saw you more clearly than anyone else present who thought they saw so much more clearly than her
She saw you
not the house, not the guests, not even what they thought of her
She saw your beauty
She could not stay away

How you love those whom we despise
How you transform those whom we deem hopeless
How you recieve those who are outcasts, rejected, abandonded
You don't make cheap excuses for any of us
you see the depth of my need for you
you see clearly the selfish choices
the hurtful choices
my sin

But

You are not deterred 
you seek me out in the most difficult of places
in the worst of company
through my most unfriendly reactions and respones to you

You come
the uninvited guest
the shepherd diligently seeking out the one lost sheep when there are 99 others elsewhere
you come to love
you come to pour out 
you come to give
you come to heal
you come to transform
you come to give hope
you come 
Oh praise you! You come!
You weep over those you seek

You are willing to disrupt, interrupt, shock, disturb and mess up all my polite refusals and plans
You love passionately
completely
thoroughly
securely


1 John 4:10-16New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

10 What is love? It is not that we loved God. It is that he loved us and sent his Son to give his life to pay for our sins.
11 Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we should also love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love one another, God lives in us. His love is made complete in us.

I love you Lord
Please come please enter into my house
enter into my life 
enter into my relationships
as with this woman
your love is enough 
it is enough to enter an immensely awkward and difficult social situaion and see only you
it is enough to pour out love on you and be free from what others think
it is enough to enable me to love those who I live with, love with, share this messy experience of life with
it is enough to love the most unloveable
the most difficult 
because
You are enough
You are here
help me to love the other you have placed here with me      with the love you have poured into me

1 John 4:19New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

19 We love because he loved us first.
New International Reader's Version (NIRV)
Copyright © 1996, 1998 by Biblica

see also John 13 




Tuesday, August 19, 2014

A Prayer to Care

Before they cut into me today to remove and test the what was growing inside, 
there was careful preparation...

antibiotics
sterile cloths
sterile instruments
clean room

any incision brings the hope of healing and the danger of infection

to go exposing and digging requires care
careful preparation

let me hesitate
pray carefully before
inserting my words, perspective, life into another's

I don't want to break the natural barrier of protection such as skin provides
unless I know I am clean
my instruments are clean

taking time to cover other areas that might cross contaminate

escorting the unrcessary out of the room

time alone with you
letting you purify

Psalm 139:23-24New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

23 God, see what is in my heart.
    Know what is there.
Put me to the test.
    Know what I’m thinking.
24 See if there’s anything in my life you don’t like.
    Help me live in the way that is always right.
New International Reader's Version (NIRV)
Copyright © 1996, 1998 by Biblica

Psalm 119:9New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

How can a young person keep his life pure?
    By living in keeping with your word.

Ephesians 5:25-28New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

25 Husbands, love your wives. Love them just as Christ loved the church. He gave himself up for her. 26 He did it to make her holy. He made her clean by washing her with water and the word. 27 He did it to bring her to himself as a brightly shining church. He wants a church that has no stain or wrinkle or any other flaw. He wants a church that is holy and without blame.

only you are Holy
free of all contamination
known or unknown

Cleanse me of the germs I cannot see or be aware of
Touch and heal where you see fit

fill me
use me
as your instrument
your tool
to bring healing

not to expose another to what may grow to their hurt
but what you know will meet what they truly need
in ways I know nothing about

Lord show me how to create a clean environment
where others can come
and be willing to be vulnerable
to let conversation occur is such a way that needs are exposed
and can be met with the proper care
with careful prayer

care ful
full of care
your care not my own
waiting on you
talking with you
leaning on you
depending on you

Oh you, the Great Physician
bring healing, wholeness, health
friendship, love, community
caring and carefulness
in this place

I cast all my care upon you
who cares for me
Care through me

Show your beauty
your tenderness
your truth
your kindness
your wisdom
your hope
your compassion
your conviction and turning anew
your forgiveness
your healing
your purpose
your glory

I worship you
You are the one who can do exceedingly above and beyond all that we can ask or think

sometimes there are things that must be removed,
wishing it was different will not help
hoping it will go away on its own will not help

Ephesians 4:15New International Version (NIV)

15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

bring us to you
help us to carefully minister to one another
speaking the truth in love

letting you incise away what is not of you in my heart and thoughts
my attitudes and presumptions
my careless words, thoughts or actions

May I be an instrument of your care
Thank you this is how you have cared for me
I love you Lord, because you have first loved me

1 John 4:10J.B. Phillips New Testament (PHILLIPS)

9-10 To us, the greatest demonstration of God’s love for us has been his sending his only Son into the world to give us life through him. We see real love, not in that fact that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to make personal atonement for our sins.

an encouraging word for any significant relationship:

http://rickwarren.org/devotional/english/be-your-spouse-s-biggest-fan_02#.U_UVk_ldWSo