not knowing where, when, how or why but knowing WHO

"The Lord gives me my strength 

He makes me like the deer which does not stumble. 
He leads me safely on the steep mountains." 

Habbakkuk 3:19 International Children's Bible

seeing an image of a deer or a mountain goat skillfully jumping from one tiny outcropping to another without slipping and falling below

so many times wanting God's leading to be more like a freeway

flat and graded smooth

paved over and stable

with bright street lights and 

huge clear signs that show

this is what road  you are on

this is where it leads 

this is how far to go to  your destination

this is where you can find services

and a head's up when there are long spaces of no immediate resource available

but this verse resonates with my experience 

those tiny outcroppings of rock are scarcely visible

a massive and insurmountably steep rock wall

with loose and unstable elements everywhere

but up close 

after looking and searching for a while

you can just see the next tiny outcropping ahead 

 not any further

but that is all you need 

to move to that next small spot

one step or small leap at a time

no whizzing along in comfort at 70 miles per hour

but a slow, careful but sure going from one tiny place of provision to the next 

not knowing what is ahead 

or how to get there

 or what will happen later

but knowing Who
is providing
navigating
leading

there is one who is with us 

and has placed one small step 

just within stretching reach

He has promised to lead 

and give us what we need

sometimes in huge ways

sometimes in tiny, incremental ways

navigated step by difficult and uncertain step

Our confidence is not in ourselves to find the right way or figure anything out

or that the path leads to where we get what we what necessarily 

but In the One who has gone before

and now is with us and providing 

just that one next step

He is the only one who knows which tiny outcropping is firm enough
to hold our weight
firm only because He is holding it and us up from underneath

He will not let us fall headlong

Oh Lord 

help us to focus on you instead of the path ahead

and then the next step becomes clearer

we don't feel or think like we are making any progress at all

but you see how far you have led us to this point

and you are not wasting any of this experience in any way 

to bring us closer to dwelling in the depths of you

and resting in who you are

we love you

God's amazing work in the absolute worst sermon ever

 “Yet forty days, and Nineveh shall be overthrown!” Jonah 3:4

that was the whole sermon

the whole message

just one sentence

delivered by a man full of prejudice, anger, bitterness and lacking in grace

Jonah did not care about his hearers

in fact he was quite looking forward to their destruction


He did not labor over his message

or try to develop a creative hook to get their attention

or try to explain anything that might be unfamiliar of unclear

no lively stories

no passionate or heartfelt appeals


and yet, one of the most amazing responses ever recorded in the whole Bible:

 5 And the people of Nineveh believed God. They called for a fast and put on sackcloth, from the greatest of them to the least of them.

6 The word reached[c] the king of Nineveh, and he arose from his throne, removed his robe, covered himself with sackcloth, and sat in ashes. 7 And he issued a proclamation and published through Nineveh, “By the decree of the king and his nobles: Let neither man nor beast, herd nor flock, taste anything. Let them not feed or drink water, 8 but let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and let them call out mightily to God. Let everyone turn from his evil way and from the violence that is in his hands. 9 Who knows? God may turn and relent and turn from his fierce anger, so that we may not perish.”

10 When God saw what they did, how they turned from their evil way, God relented of the disaster that he had said he would do to them, and he did not do it.

the people of Ninveh heard and responded in such a whole hearted genuine repentent way
 God did not do as he had said

this is all the more ironic
considering all the prophets
 God sent to speak
to those who professed to know him

with very little helpful response recorded

Oh Lord, 

let me never think,

oh,  that person is beyond the work of God's redemption...

they would never understand
they are not interested in God in any way
they are too hardened
too sinful
they have done too much already
surely God is not interested in such
they are certainly doomed
and rightfully so

Oh Lord

let me never think,

oh. I am beyond

prejudice,

hatred,

bitterness

wanting to observe
and even enjoy
another's comeupance

God was seeking to work salvation in the people of Ninevah and in the heart of his own servant

they both had equal need

but

sadly only one experienced God's amazing mercy

Oh,  let me beware
it was the one who professed to know Him
that missed Him entirely...

it was the one who knew so much about Him
that never really enjoyed Him at all...

 But to Jonah this seemed very wrong. He became angry.
2 He prayed to the Lord. 
Here is what Jonah said to him. “Lord, isn’t this exactly what I thought would happen when I was still at home?
 That is what I tried to prevent by running away to Tarshish.
 I knew that you are gracious.
 You are tender and kind. You are slow to get angry. You are full of love. You are a God who takes pity on people. You don’t want to destroy them. 
3 Lord, take away my life. I’d rather die than live.”

4 But the Lord replied, “Is it right for you to be angry?”

Jonah 4:1-4 NIVR

it was the one who assumed he was in the right
that ended at odds with God'

the book of Jonah ends with Jonah, alone in a hot dessert,
angry at God and not being willing to change

He thought it was the people of Ninevah who needed to change the most 
but most of the this book is showing God interacting with Jonah 
seeking to work salvation and deliverance and redemption in him


Oh Lord, give us ears to hear you,

 really hear you

let your double edged sword of truth peirce through our deflections

whatever words you might want to speak through us

there is also always a message for us to hear as well

eyes to see your beauty and your working
in what is to us, the most unlikely of people and places

a heart to always be humble and live in the wonder of your grace and mercy

"For by grace through faith you are saved
it is the gift of God and not of ourselves..."  Ephesians 2 :8-9

Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. 

Ephesians 2:7-9 The Message

Ephesians 3:20-21New American Standard Bible (NASB)

20 Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, 21 to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations [a]forever and ever. Amen.

Healthy Boundaries in Christian Reltionships

"So a painful problem was given to me...
I begged the Lord three times to take this problem away from me...

But the Lord said to me,
'My grace is enough for you.

When you are weak,
then my power is made perfect in you...

Then Christ's power can live in me.'"

2 Corinthians 12:7-9 International Children's Bible

Kind of a weird take on these verses but I was struck by the thought

His grace is enough for me

for me

not for me and the problems of another person that I am so intertwined with that I am taking on as my own

Many times the Holy Spirit has to prompt, encourage, speak to us to stretch out and care for another besides myself

But to maintain healthy boundaries in relationships

at this time, and in this particular relationship

I believe the Holy Spirit is saying to see the line where only God can work in this

in that person  I love almost more than life iteself.

His grace is only given to me

to believe Him and not despair
to respond in love and hope
kindness and grace

NO MATTER WHAT

God has grace
abundant grace
for that person too
for what they are facing and grappling with

but that must come between God and them

I can only seek and find God's grace for me

and let Christ have his way in me

and seek to love them with His love

and not my own


granting them all freedom

this is the only way to be free myself

from all that is driving  me

to seek to grasp and control

paralyzing fear

NO

let God be God

I am not

He has grace for me in this

Only He can be enough for me

He wants to pour into me

pour through me

but I must acknowledge His rightful place

and mine


to be the recipient of His grace

the learner

the trusting

the abiding

the waiting in confidence of who He is

not that I know or can really influence anything

knowing He loves me

He loves them

I can worship who he is
and love him
right here
right now
and leave all else in His hands.

pouring out all my fears
desires
concerns
thoughts
grief
all my soul
to Him who is touched with all the feelings of our infirmity
to Him who alone is able to do
exceedingly above and beyond all that we ask or think

to Him who loves us to the end
to Him who says,
"Nothing is too hard for me"

"Let not your heart be troubled
You believe in God,
believe in me." John 14:1

"I will not leave you comfortless,
I will come to you" John 14:18

"Remain in me and I will remain in you.  No branch can bear fruit alone.
It must remain in the vine.
It is the same with you.
You cannot produce fruit alone,
You must remain in me.
I am the vine and you are the branhes.
If a person remains in me and I in him,
then he produces much fruit."  John 15:4-5

"the fruit of the Spirit is
love
joy 
peace
patience
goodness
faithfulness 
gentleness
self-control..."
Galations 5:22


Shine your light in me
I love you Lord

Dining with the King

"Now Jonathan son of Saul had a son who was crippled in both feet.  His name was Mephibosheth.  He was five years old when the news came from Jezreel that Saul and Jonathan were dead.  Mephibosheth's nurse picked him up and ran away.
But as she hurried to leave, he fell and became crippled."
2 Samuel 4:4


"Mephibosheth, Jonathan's son, came before David and bowed facedown on the floor.

David said, "Mephibosheth!"

Mephibosheth said, "I am your servant."

David said to him, :"Don't be afraid. I will be kind to you for your father Jonathan's sake.  I will give you back all the land of your grandfather Saul. And you will always be able to eat at my table."

...so Mephibosheth ate at the David's table like one of the king's sons

"....Mephibosheth was crippled in both feet. He lived in Jerusalem and always ate at the king's table."

2 Samuel 9: 6-7; 11, 13 International Children's Bible

"Mephibosheth was crippled in both feet.
He lived in Jersusalem and always ate at the king's table."

2 Samuel 9:13

What a beautiful picture of God's grace intersecting with human need. 

Mephibosheth had a need. 

In the midst of one tragedy, another had occurred

a young man bore the effects of this the rest of his life

It limited and restricted  him 

and made it impossible for him to provide for himself or take care of others

What about in my life where there is genuine weakness and need?

not as the result of any sin

and not taken away or healed in this life

the state of his feet never changed

the rest of his life



But he was invited to live in full provision and privilege

not because of anything he had done, would do, or even could ever do

not because of who he was

but because of his relationship with another  "kindness for Jonathan's sake"


He lived the rest of his days 

cared for

provided for

treated with honor, respect and dignity

included in this community

at every meal,  a place at the table, just for him

It was always there

A fresh meal

delicious and nourishing

prepared for him

served to him



Oh Lord, thank you

How to live when there is genuine need and weakness

the kind that does not change or improve with time

that you do not take away or heal in this present time

is to feast at your table

I am invited because of your Son

I have a place there because of who He is and what He has done 

I can have a relationship with Him and be a part of this family because of His great love



Every day

Several times a day

You have prepared what I need

to replenish

to nourish

to refresh

to provide and bless and delight

It is there by no merit or effort of my own

provided by the bounty of another


Let me come 

Let me be brought to you 

to feast

to commune

to find all that I need in you


Help me to not stay away

to not shut you out in my pain, fear or shame

but to believe, 
to come 
to receive
to enjoy
to bless you

Like all good things, fine dining does take time
it cannot be rushed
there is no drive thru for the soul

that is all that is required of me 
not to miss the nourishment you have prepared
to soak my soul in your presence
in your words

the funny thing about my physical body is that even after a wonderfully rich and full meal, 
in a few hours, I am hungry again
what has been given has been processed and put to use

In times when the need is persistent and intense
I need to come to bare my soul to you often
to receive all that you have prepared
to drink it all in
to the last drop

not to do this is to be crushed and to despair

the meals prepared for Mephiboseth were rich and frequent
multiple times a day
day by day

Praise you, I will never weary you
coming to you often and repeated
being filled by you
drinking deep of your love and grace
quieted and calmed by your beauty and power

Praise you Lord


 "Come to me all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."
Mathew 11:28

"On that day Jerusalem will be told, 'Don't be afraid, city of Jerusalem.
Don't be discouraged that you can't do anything. 
The Lord your God is with you. 
The mighty One will save you.
The Lord will be happy with you. 
You will rest in his love. 
He will sing and be joyful about you.'"

Zephaniah 3:16b-17 International Children's Bible


"David said to him, :"Don't be afraid. I will be kind to you for your father Jonathan's sake.
  I will give you back all the land of your grandfather Saul. 
 And you will always be able to eat at my table."

...so Mephibosheth ate at the David's table like one of the king's sons

"....Mephibosheth was crippled in both feet. 
He lived in Jerusalem and always ate at the king's table."

2 Samuel 9: 7, 11, 13 



related verses:

"I begged the Lord three times to take this problem away from me.  But the Lord said to me, 'My grace is enough for you.  When you are weak, then my power is made perfect in you.'"

2 Corinthians 12 8-9a


"Christ died for us while we were still weak.
 We were living against God,
but at the right time, Christ died for us.
Very few people will die to save the life of someone else.
Although perhaps for a good man someone might possibly die.

But Christ died for us while we were still sinners.
 In this way God shows his great love for us.
We have been made right with God by the blood of Christ's death."

Romans 5 :6-9a



"The Lord says, "All you who are thirsty, come and drink.
Those of you who do not have money,
come, buy and eat!

Come, buy wine and milk.
You don't need money: it will cost you nothing.

Why spend your money on something that is not real food?
Why work for something that doesn't really satisfy you?

Listen closely to me, and you will eat what is good.
You will enjoy the food that satisfies your soul.

Come so me and listen.
Listen to me so you may live forever."

Isaiah 55:1-3

meeting with God in the place of my greatest failure

The site for the location of the temple chosen on the location of intense judgement for David's conscious sin

This is much in this passage that is troubling and upseting
but this, THIS is where the site for the temple was chosen
in this mess
in this failure
in the midst of judgement and consequence

THIS IS WHERE GOD CHOSE TO PLACE HIS NAME

David sent servants to count and number all the people of Isreal
this was explicitly and clearly written in scripture as something a king of Isreal was never to do

Even, Joab, the commander of the army, who was not know for his piety, who went on to kill an unarmed man under the guise of friendship, even this Joab

stood before David and said, 'Do not do this' 'This is wrong'

But David forcefully over ruled him
and Joab submitted to doing the task

Then conviction came
and David let the truth hit home

And Davids' heart smote him after that he had numbered the people.
And David said unto the LORD, " I have sinned greatly in what I have done and now, I beseech thee, O LORD take away the iniquity of your servant; for I have done very foolishly.

9 Then the Lord spoke to Gad, David’s seer, saying, 10 “Go and tell David, saying, ‘Thus says the Lord: “I offer you three things; choose one of them for yourself, that I may do it to you.”’”

11 So Gad came to David and said to him, “Thus says the Lord: ‘Choose for yourself, 12 either three[a] years of famine, or three months to be defeated by your foes with the sword of your enemies overtaking you, or else for three days the sword of the Lord—the plague in the land, with the angel[b] of the Lord destroying throughout all the territory of Israel.’ Now consider what answer I should take back to Him who sent me.”

13 And David said to Gad, “I am in great distress. Please let me fall into the hand of the Lord, for His mercies are very great; but do not let me fall into the hand of man.”

14 So the Lord sent a plague upon Israel, and seventy thousand men of Israel fell. 15 And God sent an angel to Jerusalem to destroy it. As he[c] was destroying, the Lord looked and relented of the disaster, and said to the angel who was destroying, “It is enough; now restrain your[d] hand.” And the angel of the Lord stood by the threshing floor of Ornan[e] the Jebusite.

16 Then David lifted his eyes and saw the angel of the Lord standing between earth and heaven, having in his hand a drawn sword stretched out over Jerusalem. So David and the elders, clothed in sackcloth, fell on their faces.17 And David said to God, “Was it not I who commanded the people to be numbered? I am the one who has sinned and done evil indeed; but these sheep, what have they done? Let Your hand, I pray, O Lord my God, be against me and my father’s house, but not against Your people that they should be plagued.”

18 Therefore, the angel of the Lord commanded Gad to say to David that David should go and erect an altar to the Lord on the threshing floor of Ornan the Jebusite. 19 So David went up at the word of Gad, which he had spoken in the name of the Lord. 20 Now Ornan turned and saw the angel; and his four sonswho were with him hid themselves, but Ornan continued threshing wheat. 21 So David came to Ornan, and Ornan looked and saw David. And he went out from the threshing floor, and bowed before David with his face to the ground.22 Then David said to Ornan, “Grant me the place of this threshing floor, that I may build an altar on it to the Lord. You shall grant it to me at the full price, that the plague may be withdrawn from the people.”

23 But Ornan said to David, “Take it to yourself, and let my lord the king dowhat is good in his eyes. Look, I also give you the oxen for burnt offerings, the threshing implements for wood, and the wheat for the grain offering; I give itall.”

24 Then King David said to Ornan, “No, but I will surely buy it for the full price, for I will not take what is yours for the Lord, nor offer burnt offerings with that which costs me nothing.” 25 So David gave Ornan six hundred shekels of gold by weight for the place. 26 And David built there an altar to the Lord, and offered burnt offerings and peace offerings, and called on the Lord; and He answered him from heaven by fire on the altar of burnt offering.

27 So the Lord commanded the angel, and he returned his sword to its sheath.

28 At that time, when David saw that the Lord had answered him on the threshing floor of Ornan the Jebusite, he sacrificed there. 29 For the tabernacle of the Lord and the altar of the burnt offering, which Moses had made in the wilderness, were at that time at the high place in Gibeon. 30 But David could not go before it to inquire of God, for he was afraid of the sword of the angel of theLord.

Footnotes:

1. 1 Chronicles 21:12 Or seven (compare 2 Samuel 24:13)
2. 1 Chronicles 21:12 Or Angel, and so elsewhere in this chapter
3. 1 Chronicles 21:15 Or He
4. 1 Chronicles 21:15 Or Your
5. 1 Chronicles 21:15 Spelled Araunah in 2 Samuel 24:16

New King James Version (NKJV)

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

It is here where there is deep and heartfelt conviction of genuine wrong doing that cannot be excused or explained any other way. 

It is here where there is even acceptance of consequence and personal responsibility

It is here that holy ground is formed

where God meets with sinful man

I have a lot of questions about this passage but most of all 

I need the truth of who you are that is shown here

because I sin

I really sin

I sin, knowing it is wrong and doing it anyway

I sin, even when there are clear voices saying, do not do this

there is no excuse or any other way to spin it or excuse it

I need Jesus

desperately

and here is where he wants to reveal himself in all his beauty and glory

1 John 4:10J.B. Phillips New Testament (PHILLIPS)

9-10 To us, the greatest demonstration of God’s love for us has been his sending his only Son into the world to give us life through him. We see real love, not in that fact that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to make personal atonement for our sins.

J.B. Phillips New Testament (PHILLIPS)

J. B. Phillips, "The New Testament in Modern English", 1962 edition by HarperCollins

1 Peter 3:18International Standard Version (ISV)

18 For the Messiah[a] also suffered[b] for sins once for all,
    an innocent person for the guilty,
        so that he could bring you[c] to God.
He was put to death in a mortal body
    but was brought to life by the Spirit,

Footnotes:

1. 1 Peter 3:18 Or Christ
2. 1 Peter 3:18 Other mss. read died
3. 1 Peter 3:18 Other mss. read us

International Standard Version (ISV)

Copyright © 1995-2014 by ISV Foundation. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED INTERNATIONALLY. Used by permission of Davidson Press, LLC.

Woman, Where Are Your Accusers?

one by one they all backed away
silently vacating the place
where only moments ago
they had cried loudly and vehemently for her condemnation
and violent death

stones in hand
ready to let fly
all aimed at her

she had no defense of any kind
she was guilty
she was caught in the very act of doing wrong

there really was nothing thar could be said or done

but then He had said,

"Let the person who is without sin

cast the first stone"

and the crowd fell silent
stared
glared
and then
silently
one by one
evaporated away

she was left alone

but not alone

alone with Jesus

"Woman, where are your accusers?

Is there no one left to condemn you?

"No one, Lord"


only He is able to silence, disintegrate, and  dissapate
those inner voices of shame
condemnation
judgement and
despair

Only He is able to silence and decimate

those who would accuse
throw weighted judgement
tear apart
with both words and actions

pummel and break apart
slowly
blow by blow over time

with sharp and weighted words
looks and thoughrs


Only He is able to say

"Neither do I condemn you.

Go, and sin no more"

Go and sin no more

Only He has paid for my sin and yours with his own body
Taken the judgement that should come to me

"He was hated and rejected by people.
He had much pain and suffering.
People would not even look at him.
He was hated and we didn't even notice him.

But he took our suffering on him and felt our pain for us.

We saw his suffering.
We thought God was punishing him. 

But he was wounded for the wrong things that we did.

He was crushed for the evil things we did. 

The punishment that made us well 
was given to him.

And we are healed because of his wounds."

Isaiah 53:2-5 International Childrens Bible

praise you Lord!
I love you
s