The Great Mold Clean Up

"Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many." Hebrews 12:15

Mold.

Silently spreading its contamination in the hidden and covered over places. 

Insidious and slowly poisoning all it surrounds.

Toxic.

I have experienced the power of mold.

The roof of our house was improperly connected when the house was built 10 years ago. A seemingly small fault that was not visible to the eye. 

But as the years passed, each rain drop contributed more and more water into the underside of the roof, down into the wall, silently spreading.

We were oblivious; we thought all was well. 

We simply had no idea.

Until one rain came that was strong and constant and the incoming water overflowed all its hidden places.

Discovering wet carpet, I assumed it must be the fault of one of my kids spilling water in his bedroom. 

But after towels, fans and the like, the next day the wetness was even greater and more widespread.

Then the musty smell of rottenness began to permeate the room.

Finally when we removed all of the stuff stuffed into the closet that hadn't been touched in months.. years... we began to discover that we had a problem much bigger than we had thought possible. 

5 months, thousands of dollars and plenty of angst and ruined discarded possessions, that room is finally safe to live and sleep in.

During this time, the great mold clean up was a metaphor for the work God was doing in my life.
Digging out the saturated rotten coverings to expose the contamination within.
Having to sand down, discard and clean over and over again.
It would have been easy to just put up new dry wall and paint and seal off the ugly and the raw from sight. But that would only guarantee more damage to come.

No, it had to be faced. The truth had to be accepted and worked through.
The room needed help: professional help with expertise, tools, resources, trucks to haul away the unrecoverable carpet etc. It was too large of a job to face alone.

I needed help: professional help and community - it was too large of a job to face alone

I had no time or money to spare for this. Nevertheless, it made its claim on both.
It simply had to be done, no matter the cost or the inconvenience. 

"Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many." Hebrews 12:15

Exactly during these 5 months, I felt the relentless love and truth of God, tearing off my coverings and exposing my bitterness like a poisonous plant growing in my heart. 

or like poisonous mold spreading. As longs as it had moisture to supply it, it spread and as the verse says, troubled me and damaged others. 

I felt raw and exposed, like my room. Torn down to bare, stained and ugly studs. No fresh white dry wall, no soft carpet. Absolutely nowhere to hide.

They had to bring in huge metal sanders to sand off the rotten parts of the wood, the very beams that were holding the house together and the roof over our heads. 

They had to bring in an air scrubber to filter out the minute spores invisible to be seen that floated and moved in the currents of air passing through and around our home. 

I had been praying to God, why did I always feel so alone, even when surrounded by Christian community? Why did I constantly feel so isolated? Why do I read such wonderful passages about the church as his body, a loving community where everyone has a meaningful place and yet, consistently feel like an amputated limb? 

God was showing me that by trying to be peaceful and accepting of painful relationships and experiences in my life without letting there be an honest expression of the hurt emotions, grief, sorrow, longing, disappointment, anger, bitterness, resentment, envy towards God and others was just like the mold in my wall. It may look okay on the outside but inside the rottenness is still growing and spreading. 

I learned that to prevent mold there must be good and constant ventilation.
Seal it off and it will only sicken and spread. Keep it open and it can heal.

Open it up, express the wounds, the hurts, the hard questions and it can be cleansed and renewed.

This is terrifying. What is in there? What will happen to me as I release these powerful and many times very negative emotions and thoughts? I fear a total loss of control.

"God is the one who saves me. I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, The Lord, give me strength and makes me sing. He has saved me. " Isaiah 12 :2

This verse has so comforted me. There can be problems all around but He will be with me and will be what I need at every turn.

Too often I have not wanted to be a complainer, to be overly negative, afraid that no one will want to be around me or be friends with me, but... 

"When we feel our lives, we are tuned into pain as it emerges and can resolve it before our lives begin to revolve around it. But if we are not allowed to or choose not to feel the pain, we will add hurt on top of injury and inflict further difficulty and conflict on our lives..." Healing is a Choice by Stephen Arterburn pg 28

I am learning that I cannot be in genuine community without honesty, with God and with others. 

^"15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head,that is, Christ." Ephesians 4:15 NIV

Only God can teach us how to speak the truth with Him, within ourselves and with others motivated only by love. 

 This does not mean that I have to express every thought that passes through my mind like someone with a bad cough who does not cover their mouth out of care for others.

At the very least, I believe it means I need to admit to God when I am hurt, upset, depressed, sad, grieving, angry, bitter, jealous, or resentful and have an ongoing conversation with Him and at least one real live human being in real time and space who knows me. 

And to be the kind of person that others feel safe to honestly admit their struggles to, giving them time, support, friendship, love and most of all room to work out those things with God. 

¹⁶ Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working].¹⁷ Elijah was a human being with a nature such as we have [with feelings, affections, and a constitution like ours]; and he prayed earnestly for it not to rain, and no rain fell on the earth for three years and six months.¹⁸ And [then] he prayed again and the heavens supplied rain and the land produced its crops [as usual]. James 5:16 -18 Amplified Bible

Hearing wonderful messages and having polite and insightful conversations about the Bible are so necessary. But we will not enter into community until we open and share and pray for each other in those raw and hurting places. 

The day came we thought we were all done.
Brand new dry wall, paint, beautiful new carpeting.

Then as I was cleaning the walls, I stopped to clean the register that covered the heating duct. It was covered in mold on the inside, again so near, but just out of sight, until you opened it up.

A whole new aspect of the repair began.

The mold had spread through what was supposed to bring clean warm air in, but instead carried contaminated air out. It had spread to two other rooms. 

More digging, more rubbish, more replacing of the connections between rooms like the connections between my heart and God and those around me.

I learned my job was to persevere and not quit or give it all up as hopeless. 

God knows where the covering up, where the dishonesty and delusion lies. Just stay in communication with Him, his word and those who are also listening to him. 

Finally after many months, the day did arrive where we were rebuilding instead of tearing out. Beautifying instead of taking away. 

And the very day, the very day we finally finished it all, a neighbor was giving away an entire complete bedroom set of  1940's beautiful, carved, solid, wood furniture such as I love and such as reminds me of my grandparents and my heritage. 

It was ready to go and complete and was moved in within an hour. 

The room is so much more beautiful than I ever could have provided for myself. 
Now, a year later, we have a lovely young woman who needed a place to stay and we were able to provide her a clean, beautiful space to live. This experience was not just for me but for others as well. 

My relationship with God is deeper, richer and closer as well as my relationship with my husband, children, friends, neighbors, everyone. I have learned to be more authentic and yet graceful. Thank you Lord. 

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is the Father who is full of mercy. And he is the God of all comfort. He comforts us every time we have trouble, so that we can comfort others when they have trouble. We can comfort them with the same comfort that God gives us. II Corinthians 2:3-4 NIV

"The Lord God has put his Spirit in me. 

This is because he has appointed me to tell the good news to the poor. 

He has sent me to comfort hose whose hearts are broken,

He has sent me to tell the captives they are free. 

He has sent me t tell the prisoners that they are released.

He has sent me to announce the time when the Lord will show his kindness 

and the time when our God will punish evil people. 

He has sent me to comfort all those who are sad.

He has sent me to the sorrowing people of Jerusalem. 

I will give them a crown to replace their ashes. 

I will give them the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow. 

I will give them clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness. 

Then they will be called Tress of Goodness..

They will be like trees planted by the Lord and will show his greatness. 

They will rebuild the old ruins. 

They will build up the places destroyed long ago.

They will repair the ruined cities that were destroyed for so long."

Isaiah 61:1, 3-4

International Children's Bible 

Resources that have been very helpful to me: Resources for dealing with grief and loss from H. Norman Wright A Long Obedience in the Same Direction: Discipleship in an Instant Society   by Eugene H. Peterson Working the Angles: The Shape of Pastoral Integrity by Eugene H. Peterson The Art of Pastoring: Ministry Without All the Answers by David Hansen

Holding Onto Hope by Nancy Guthrie

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/homeschoolchronicles/2013/03/on-the-way-to-easter-mourning-with-jesus/

http://natepyle.com/confronting-the-lie-god-wont-give-you-more-than-you-can-handle/ http://carm.org/questions/about-jesus/why-did-jesus-cry-out-my-god-my-god-why-have-you-forsaken-me

http://www.waitingforamoonbeam.com/2011/12/will-you-still-be-my-friend.html

Many thanks to Jo Ann Fore and the community of loving and supportive women I met through her and the encouragement, strength and example you all have been to me this last year. Bless you!
http://www.joannfore.com/books/when-a-woman-finds-her-voice/