The Invitation

The Invitation 

⁹ As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector’s booth. “Follow me,” he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.¹⁰ While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. ¹¹ When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”
¹² On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. ¹³ But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’^[a] For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

Matthew 9 :9-13

I would like to be invited to this dinner party
 because I need a relationship that I cannot screw up

constantly on thin ice
a feeling of constant doom
a heavy weight hanging by a fraying thread
just waiting to crash down
the ice will crack at some point -  it is just a matter of time
I just don't know when and where
but it will crack
I will screw up something
I will say/do something
I will make some mistake

people will be nervous, awkward, silent and then withdraw without explanation

like the ever expanding universe I seem to be moving further and further away from meaningful connection and relationships chasing an ever more elusive receding and diminishing point of light

unable to be grasped
like fog
slipping through the finger tips

lacking mass, insubstantial

lost in the morass of my self

Jesus ate with tax collectors and sinners
when asked why he did this he said
'It is not the healthy that need a doctor but the sick.'

It is not pleasant being called sick,
but letting a doctor call you sick, could just save your life...

He did not just tolerate them

try to help them, but keep them at arm's distance

He was sitting and having dinner with 'the terrible ones, the wrong ones'
He was enjoying their company
smiling, eating, sharing, laughing
it was wonderful company

He was not in a rush for them to leave
They were welcome with gladness and a face that lit up as they came in

"I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance."

Whether religious or not
As long as I view myself as THE RIGHT ONE and those as THE WRONG
He cannot help me much except to help me see I am the one that needs him
usually through the pain of relationships
It is those who accept the prognosis of this doctor that he can change

Observing such a joyous time of inclusion,
the Pharisees only wanted to know, 'Why are you eating with THEM??'

There was no room for the love of God to flood in
it was already filled with self-rightness

but when my heart aches and is an empty cavern
and I know I need
I need desperately
I need more than any person can ever possibly give
Oh Lord
open the sluice gates
fill me with YOU
your love, your acceptance, your joy, your hope, your transformation
change me as only you can
no matter what the circumstances of my life
I will never be beyond needing you to change and utterly transform me
from the inside out

I can be filled with my rightness or God's love
like a big straining cloth which becomes a barrier between me and God
and me and others as long as I hold onto my rightness
it hides, distorts, confuses, camouflages, isolates

God says there is no one good, no not one
none righteous, none that seek after him

Yes, I agree,
yes, here I am
love me with your love
seek me out
change me
change that is only possible because you love me

I need you

he didn't view them as contaminating
disgusting
revolting
not a fake sugar syruppying sweet patronizing kind of love

He didn't just tolerate them or coexist with them

He loved them, 
each and every one 
individually and personally

He wanted to get to know them
each and every one,
individually and personally

understand how they think
what they value
their deep desires, goals, aspirations, longings
their hurts and needs

to show them that He is all that they long for and more

we all fall short
the only question is if I am aware of this yet?

Isn't this the point of relationships and community, to bring us to truth?

He can only help those who view themselves as fundamentally flawed
who really see they need to change and know deep down they cannot do it
this is not demeaning or insulting
this is freeing

when I really cannot understand why I am the way I am
why I keep messing up every relationship with everyone I really really do want to love
It is such a relief to agree with what is already true
to let the pretentions and the delusive visions crash
to stop trying to hold up the pretense that it is going to somehow just all be okay
It is not okay, it is really not

Then this relationship becomes the only secure relationship ever to exist
because is is based completely on what Jesus has done and is doing
It is available to anyone and everyone
truly truly truly

I must always stay where I know I need him

"Thus says the LORD:
Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom,
Let not the mighty man boast in his might,
Let not the rich man boast in his riches,
but let him who boasts, boast in this,
that he understands and knows me,
that I am the LORD
who practices steadfast love, justice and righteousness in the earth.
For in these things, I delight, declares the LORD." 

Jeremiah 9:23-4

to know Him
relationship
dependence
not a one time event
continual
He has promised to give the Holy Spirt
am I teachable
leadable
listening
talking to him

He is not a force or a vague impression
but a real personality who wants a real relationship with me

all about him and not about me

"My whole being will exclaim, "Who is like you, LORD? You rescue the poor from those too strong for them, the poor and needy from those who rob them, yes the poor and needy from him who spoils him. "  Psalm 35:10 NIV

Daddy loves me

A Father's love
The Father Heart of God
Begotten of God
Born of God

 I have a picture that is worth a thousand words

I see how my father is smiling

with love and enjoyment

pleasure

acceptance

hope

affection

as he looks at the fuzzy haired and mostly oblivious
18 month old girl
he holds lovingly
in his strong arms

and experienced hands

did the little girl do anything to earn this beloved status?

did she make some grand sacrifice?

did she do some great work?

does she have some amazing intellect?

or create some profound work of art?

is she even aware of any of those things at all?

or is she only aware 

that she is held

loved

enjoyed

cared for

has a hope and a future

not because of anything about her

but because of the one who holds her dear

close to his heart

loved and beloved

because of the relationship that they share

father and daughter

she did not apply for this 

she did not work for this

she is not even aware of this

she came from him

his initiative

his care 

his provision 

his love

 He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. 

 He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.

 Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—  

 children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. 

John 1:10-13 ESV

The Word was in the world. The world was made through him, but the world did not know him. He came to the world that was his own. But his own people did not accept him. But some people did accept him. They believed in him. To them he gave the right to become children of God. They did not become his children in the human way. They were not born because of the desire or wish of some man. They were born of God." John 1:10-13 NIV

3 See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 

 I John 3:1 NIV

Family of Jacob, listen to me!
All you people from Israel, who are still alive, listen!

I have carried you since you were born, 

I have taken care of you
from your birth

Even when you are old, 
I will take care of you

Even when your hair has turned grey, 
I will take care of you.

I made you 
and will take care of you.

I will carry you and I will save you.
Isaiah 46 :3-4 NIV


But the difficult questions come
If God is such a loving Father,
why did _____ happen?

where was He then?

Why didn't he 
protect me
provide for me
comfort me
help me

Why?

What does it mean to be God's child?

First and foremost 
it is to be
beloved 
only because 
of the Love of God

God is Love
It is his nature to love
I am merely the object and recipient of such love

therefore this relationship is 
immune to my insecurities
and failings 
impervious to my strivings
must let it all go
and simply receive

It is secure
because it is not based on me

It is unchanging only because He is unchanging
It is only because of Jesus and not because of me
therefore I can rest 
in Him alone

From the place of nestling in his arms
I can tell him of all the pain of those unanswered why's
the agony of the what ifs
and why not's 

I may never know 
all the reasons why
but I can know him 
who knows and loves me

who is waiting and longing to
hold me in his arms
and be my comfort

There is always a lap
that I may crawl into
be welcomed 
and pour out my grief 
sorrow and confusion

There is no guarantee of anything in this life
but who He is
and that He is love

in the words of Corrie Ten Boom, 

"Our loving Heavenly Father holds all things in his hands,
 even our questions." 
The Hiding Place movie

a place to tell my sorrows 
to the man of sorrows 
who was acquainted with grief
the one who was wounded for my transgressions
by whose stripes I am healed
the one who puts my tears in a bottle
and promises one day to wipe all tears from our eyes

I can talk about all my pain 
he knows, he understands, he comforts

I may never know the "answers" but I can know Him
I can know his love
I can rest in his arms
and be beloved

'to the praise of Him who has made us accepted in the beloved..."

Ephesians 1:6

http://www.igracemusic.com/hymnbook/hymns/o08.html

Moving from Fear to Peace

Moving from Fear to Peace

like a lion rending and shredding all rationality
with sharp teeth and claws tearing at me
fear is a tight, pervasive, panic overriding all reason
an icy hand with a vice's grip on my heart, my throat,
strangling
my thoughts
my faith
my courage
my love

I have 3 children, who are still young
my own mother died of cancer within 2 years of my current age
her concern was dismissed to her demise

I have an 'area of concern' that could at any time go rogue
and silently spread death in my members. Unknown and unseen.

Fear,
I know fear
a paralyzing  asphyxiating fear
a panic that overrides all rational thought
a deep-seated terror that arises with great force from within

There is no love in fear
     your love cannot penetrate the defenses on my heart
         even though you are there, I cannot feel you at all where I need you

"When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,

I was senseless and ignorant;

I was a brute beast before you.

Yet I am always with you;

you hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?

And earth has nothing I desire besides you. 

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

 Psalm 73: 21-28 NIV

You are holding on to me, like a little child
You will guide me, like a little child
You are all I really have
all else is a gift

But how do I get from senseless beast to nothing I desire beside you?
I desire a lot

I want to pour out my heart and desires to you
I want to open my heart and let you hold all my treasures

Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.  Luke 12:34 New Living Translation

Oh Lord, bring me to where all my treasures are in you
and in your trustworthy hands...
even to where you are my greatest treasure,
the only sure thing I really have

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" Luke 12:25

"Where God's love is,

there is no fear in love,

        because God's perfect love takes away all fear."

I John 4:17

     not my love but yours

It doesn't say there will be no suffering, no limits, no loss
       just that there will be no fear
when, by the Holy Spirit, I am filled with your love

"I will not leave you comfortless, I will come to you."

John 14:18 NIV

He doesn't promise that everything will work out the way I want,
or that even my worst fears won't happen but that
He will be with me, and that
He, himself is my comfort
and will care for those I love

But now, this is what the LORD says--

he who created you, Jacob,

he who formed you, Israel:

'Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, 

I will be with you;

and When you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the LORD your God

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;...

Do not be afraid, for I am with you;

I will bring your children from the east 

and gather you from the west.

I will say to the north,'Give them up!'

and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.'

Bring my sons from afar

and my daughters from the ends of the earth--

everyone who is called by my name, 

whom I created for my glory,

whom I formed and made."

Isaiah 43:1-3; 5-7 NIV

"You, Lord, give true peace. 

You give peace to those who depend on you.

You give peace to those who trust you.

So trust the Lord always.

Trust the Lord because he is our Rock forever."

Isaiah 26:3-4NIV

Oh Lord, work the reality of these truths into my heart and life.
I can know them but I cannot make them a reality in my life.

Help me to love you more than anything else.
Amen

The Marriage Prayer

The Marriage Prayer

Dear Lord, 

please help me learn how to love with your love right now,

 right here in this marriage, in our difficult spots 

Help us to speak to the heart of each other
 instead of circling the periphery again and again. 

We love each other

We are committed to each other

We love our kids

We both want to make this work

We both want to trust God more

be filled with the Holy Spirit more

to be more Christlike

to be responsible

to be respectful

We both want to be cared for

loved

respected

close

a team

a unit with positive functioning dynamic

Help us Lord to connect with you and with one another
in the midst of the difficulties and conflicts of daily life:
 the pressures within and without,

the fears, the hurts, the misunderstandings,

and our beloved children
with all their own needs,
whom we love so much

There are so many wrong ways to go, 

help us to go your way

step by step 

moment by moment

response by response

Change is difficult

change takes time

especially when it is deep 

Give us patience and persistence

"Do not be weary in well doing,

for in due time we shall reap, 

if we faint not" Galatians 6:9

"Love suffers long and is kind"
I Corinthians 13:4a

 ^... speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head,that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. Ephesians 4:15

Oh lord, give us courage to say the true thing, the hard thing, the needed thing

not to smooth over what should not be smoothed over
but needs to be faced straight on, face forward and head on 

 no patronizing love

but to speak with care and concern 

with a mind to the other's benefit and well being

what is needful

what is helpful

constructive, practical, hopeful 

forward moving 

a path ahead

"Love bears all things,
 hopes all things,
 endures all things,

Love never fails"
1 Corinthians 13:8

You love simply because it is your nature to love

not because of any deserving in the objects or recipients

Ultimately, it is about you and not about them

You want to love me more fully in this difficult place 

and you want to love my spouse through me

Let not my spiritual arteries be clogged with bitterness, resentment, impossible expectations

you alone can meet all my needs

you alone can fill me

you alone can enable forgiveness

you alone can bring peace

you alone can give wisdom

no matter what happens

I will know and experience more of you 

as I respond in faith, trust, love, obedience

I cannot make myself do any of these things

but I ask you to fill me with your Holy Spirt 

and bring me closer to you

But Jesus beheld them and said to them,
 "With men these things are impossible,
 but with God all things are possible." 
Matthew 19:26

Is anything too hard for the Lord? 
Genesis 18:14

I am the LORD God of all the peoples of the world, is anything too hard for me?
Jeremiah 32:27 New Living Translation

I believe

I surrender all my demands, rights, fist thumpings

I believe

I love 

to make the impossible, possible

"For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility." Ephesians 2:14

There is no magic prayer, statement, conversation, book, seminar, retreat
 that can make this all neat, tidy and simple

but by your grace we will move forward 

step by step

moment by moment

response by response

and your glory can shine here