Your Glory instead of my shame

  "Shame is an acutely self-conscious state in which the self is 'split,' imagining the self in the eyes of the other; by contrast, in guilt the self is unified."^[8]^ Herman, Judith Lewis (2007), "Shattered Shame States and their Repair", The John Bowlby Memorial Lecture

What you think still hurts... even when you never say a word...

Sometimes I wish you would utter what you think, because then there is the opportunity for change, for truth to be reached for, struggled over and ultimately triumphed in....

I cannot change what you think...

I can only let God change what I think.... and how I respond to you


I love this passage below because Jesus is reaching out to a man named Simon and a whole group of those present. He did this by addressing their thoughts, that were never utter aloud!
I also love this passage because what Jesus thought about her mattered more to this one woman than a whole house of those she would never dare go near otherwise...

    One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to eat with him. Jesus went into the Pharisee's house and sat down at the table. A sinful woman in the town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house. So she brought an alabaster jar of perfume. She stood at Jesus' feet, crying , and began to wash his feel with her tears. She dried his feet with her hair, kissed them many times and rubbed them with them with the perfume. The Pharisee who asked Jesus to come to his house saw this. He thought to himself, 'If  Jesus were a prophet, he would know that the woman who is touching him is a sinner!"

              Jesus said to the Pharisee, 'Simon, I have something to say to you.'

    Simon said, 'Teacher, tell me.'

    Jesus said, ' There were two men. Both men owed money tot he same banker. One man owed the banker 500 silver coins. THe other man owed the banker 50 silver coins. The men had no money; so they could not pay what they owed. But the banker told the men that they did not have to pay him. Which one of the two men will love the banker more?

     Simon, the Pharisee, answered, 'I think it would be the one who owed him the most money.'

     Jesus said to Simon, 'You are right.'

     Then Jesus turned toward the woman and said to Simon, 'Do you see this woman? When I came into your house, you gave me no water for my feet.  

But she washed my feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. 

You did not kiss me, but she has been kissing my feet since I came in!

           You did not rub my head with oil, but she rubbed my feet with perfume.

           I tell you that her many sins are forgiven.

           This is clear because she showed great love.

           But the person who has only a little to be forgiven will feel only a little love.'

Then Jesus said to her, 'Your sins are forgiven.' 

The people sitting at the table began to think to themselves,                                         'Who is this man? How can he forgive sins?'

Jesus said to the woman, 'Because you believed, you are saved from your sins. 

Go in peace.'"

           Luke 7:36-50 International Children's Bible (emphasis added)

Your God says,"Comfort , comfort my people, Speak kindly to the people of Jerusalem....
This is the voice of a man who calls out
'Prepare in the desert the way for the Lord.
Make the road in the dry lands straight for our God.
Every valley should be raised up.
Every mountain and hill should be made flat.
The rough ground should be made level.
The rugged ground should be made smooth.
Then the glory of the Lord will be shown.
All people together will see it.'
The Lord himself, said these things.

       Isaiah 40:1, 3-5 ICB

I have always loved this passage because, to me, it shows the multifaceted way God is working in my life and most powerfully in how I think. 
How I think about myself
How I think about myself with others
How i think about the situations and relationships I am in

How I am like this passage describes...
some parts a deep valley that needs filling in and raising up, sad and despondent
some parts a high strong mountain, proud and obstinate, that needs to be lowered
some parts twisted and crooked, deceptive and defensive
some parts rough and bumpy, angry and hurt

How I am at times like the woman with the perfume and at others like Simon, who did not understand the depth of his need and what Jesus wanted to do.
How beautiful you are, Jesus, that you know and understand all and want to bring it all to what you are thinking
about me
about others
about this relationship
about this situation

It is not enough to try to keep my mouth shut and try to avoid the negative and destructive thoughts and emotions within

Jesus spoke directly with Simon the Pharisee about what he was thinking

I need time with you to let what I feel and think be aired in the fresh air and sunlight of your love and truth
in the darkness it is festering and the blow up and out will come

it takes so much energy to try to keep negative emotions at bay
under wraps, to try to keep them from ruining relationships

I no longer have the energy for this

I need to let my soul be open and vulnerable before you
to let the hurts, anger, bitterness, struggles, judgements and criticism 
float up and out on the wings of prayer

to just be honest about what comes up

you are not asking me to fix it or even to try to soften it 

but to just be honest
to articulate
to not deny
to keep it all before you
with open face and hands and mind
(writewhereithurts.org has been such a help to me here!!!)

Oh how I love so many times, I don't even understand what I feel or why
but as I read your word, you put it into words for me
you explain to me what I feel and why

all you ask of me is some time to let it rise up and out
and to agree with your truth as you show it to me
to let your truth alter what I think is true

then there is no infection
the wound is clean and the doctor can heal
the medicine can reach the needy area

“Yet the number of the children of IsraelShall be as the sand of the sea,Which cannot be measured or numbered.And it shall come to passIn the place where it was said to them,‘You are not My people,’^[a]There it shall be said to them,‘You are sons of the living God.’

1. Hosea 1:10 Hebrew lo-ammi (compare verse 9) Hosea 1:10 NKJV

I love this verse! In the very place where the people of Israel had so grieved God's heart, it was there that God said he would get what he had so wanted all along!
It is when I see no way for God to get what he wants in my life or even in someone else, that God is so able to work!

⁹ To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable:¹⁰ “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹ The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. ¹² I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’¹³ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’¹⁴ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”  Luke 18 :9-14

How amazing you are! 
The one who seems or even feels farthest from you, is actually closest!

How frightening that when I can think and feel myself so very close to you, that I can be so far away and completely unaware!

Oh how we need you!

The man and his wife were naked, but they were not ashamed. 

Genesis 2:25 ICB

Oh to have this kind of open, face to face, all is known, all is loved intimacy and community with you and with one another!

To have this with you, God above, can only bring greater authenticity, communion, intimacy and connection with others as well. 

As I bring all before you, let you sift, sort, confront, comfort, encourage, inspire, convict and change, I will be brought closer to you and how you think.
This can not avoid affecting those I interact with.

You will show me what needs to be said, how to say it and when

Your love covers me
You are my hiding place
Your glory shines out
You are seen and not me

I am known and being known without shame!

"The Lord is the Spirit.

And where the Spirit of the Lord is, 

there is freedom. 

Our faces then, are not covered.

We all show the Lord's glory,

and we are being changed to be like him. 

This change in us brings more and more glory, 

And it comes from the Lord, 

who is Spirit." 

II Corinthians 3:17-18

New International Version I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. New Living Translation I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. English Standard Version And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. New American Standard Bible  "I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, In lovingkindness and in compassion, Holman Christian Standard Bible I will take you to be My wife forever. I will take you to be My wife in righteousness, justice, love, and compassion.  International Standard Version I will make you my wife forever— I will make you my wife in a way that is righteous, in a manner that is just, by a love that is gracious, and by a motive that is mercy. NET Bible I will commit myself to you forever; I will commit myself to you in righteousness and justice, in steadfast love and tender compassion.  GOD'S WORD® Translation "Israel, I will make you my wife forever. I will be honest and faithful to you. I will show you my love and compassion.