I want

I Want

"I want, dear Lord, a heart that’s true and clean;
a sunlit heart, with not a cloud between;
a heart like Thine, a heart divine, a heart as white as snow;
on me, dear Lord, a heart like this bestow."

from the hymn by 

George Jackson 

full hymn at link below

listen at 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgXl14yD3p8

http://www.singaporebaptistchurch.sg/worship/english/I%20want%20dear%20Lord%20a%20heart%20that2019s%20true%20and%20clean.htm

Psalm 51:10New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

 God, create a pure heart in me.

    Give me a new spirit that is faithful to you.

Oh Lord, 

Help me to want YOU

more than

I want

what I want

Help me to want YOU

more than

I want

to be loved 

to be accepted 

to be respected

to be desired 

to feel that I belong

to feel significant

Oh Lord help me

to want 

YOU

more

than I want 

what I want:

to feel safe,

comfortable,

cared for,

provided for

YOU are infinitely 

more

than anything 

I long for 

and earnestly desire

O Lord, 

help me 

not to pursue 

these things

apart from you

trying to be master of my own destiny

god of my own life

and sphere

this is ilusion

delusion

insanity

"There is no peace for the wicked"
Isaiah 57:21

You asked the man by the pool for 38 years,
"Do you want to get well?"
He answererd, I have no one to help me get into the pool
Like this man, I keep wishing for
and trying to change my circumstances
my relationships
believing that then all will be well
or at least better
if this
or that
could just change

But you stood there
with the love, power and care to
truly heal this man
both inside and out

"Do you want to get well?"

Do you want ME 
or just someone to seemingly fix your life?

Do I want YOU more than I want wellness?

Or do I want you to just give me what I want

 so I can be on my own way?

"We all have wandered away like sheep.
Each of us has gone his own way. 
But the Lord has put
on him
the punishment 
for all the evil we have done."
Isaiah 53:6 International Childrens Bible

They are not really separate, you know

You are wellness

You are Love

You are Peace

You are Wisdom

Goodness

Strength

Security

YOU are the source

the fountain

None of this,
including my own longings

would be here

without you

yet, when I seek these things 

without acknowledging they come from you

When I seek them and not YOU

I am putting the cart before the horse

Truth is Lord,

I would really like to be whole and healthy

and loved and content

and significant 

without 

you

without having to trust in you

to listen to you

to acknowledge your authority 

without 

having to talk with you 

or know you at all

I would like

to be my own boss

the little god of my own little universe

I would like to use you 

as the means to my own ends

to get what I want from you 

and not have to be willing 

to change 

or give up my imagined autonomy

Thank you

Thank you

you love me to much to let me go 

this way to my own destruction

apart from you

"There is a way that seems right to a person

but its end is the way of death."

Proverbs 14:12

"He sent his word and healed them 
from their own destructions."
Psalm 107:20 NKJV

You don't come to heal

you don't come to comfort and guide

you don't come to make me feel better

or give me a nice life

You come because YOU LOVE ME

deeply 

passionately

intimately 

personally

I cannot remain the same 

if I recieve 

YOU

and

your love

It will change

shatter

transform 

heal

not a smooth or easy process

O Lord, help me to truly know YOU

to love YOU 

more

than I want to just have a nice day

or just have a nice life

help me to 

not be swept away 

from what is eternal

lasting

real

and profound

by what is temporal

short, fleeting and 

immediate

whatI feelright now!

I am afraid, Lord,

because that is what I really want to do

just go about my day

with all the resource I need

with no thought of you whatsoever

just to be able to stay in my own little world

to draw you into my world

so I can have what I want from you

but not to have to have my little glass sphere shattered

so I can move out of it

and into 

YOU

 YOU

who wants all of me

because you want me

to have all of YOU

nothing less

 bring me 

to where I love YOU

more than

anything else

to where 

I want

YOU

to pour out all that I want 

at your feet

to place my deepest desires and longings

hurts and hopes

in your loving and 

faithful hands

I might lose everything I have ever loved

and hoped in

but YOU

YOU are the one thing

I can never lose

in this world

and the next

Psalm 16:9-11
So, I rejoice, and I am glad.
Even my body has hope.
This is beause you will not leave me
in the grave.
You will not let your holy one rot.

You will teach me God's way to live.
Being with you will fill me with joy.
At your right hand I will find pleasure forever.

Praise you!




words of hope and comfort along this theme at

http://heartshomeward.blogspot.com/2015/02/pick-up-your-mat.html

http://www.mercyisnew.com/2015/02/06/lord-waits-gracious/

Inspired by the sermon on John 5 "Healing at the Pool"
http://www.sbcommunity.org/sermons/index/0/0/0/84/#recordings