Daddy, hold my hand

Obedience

Obedience frightens me

sets all my alarm bells shrieking

I know I need to obey you

Sometimes I even want to obey you

But thinking of obeying you

really stresses me out

I can feel my anxiety rise up 

tight around my throat to choke me

What if I don't obey

What does God want me to do right now?

How can I know something is of God 

and not just of me?

Truth:

I cannot obey you

my heart is deceitful above all else

who can understand it

Jeremiah 17:9

I want to obey

but I am afraid

afraid of losing control

afraid of what you want me to do

afraid I will ignore your gentle leading

afraid I will be stubborn in what is really my own idea

all the while calling it yours

 while you are gently trying to steer me differently

afraid of saying the wrong thing

afraid of not saying the right thing

Oh Lord 

I am lost 

in myself

I know clearly times that I have hardened against you

I know times I have been mistaken in what I thought you wanted

I suppose all of this is necessary to bring me to where I 

know only you can lead me into what you want

I cannot understand it

I cannot know it

I cannot figure it out

I need you

close by

always

holding my hand 

redirecting

comforting

reassuring

relationship

always talking with you

prayer

always listening to you

your word

other people

even circumstances

really listening

ready to be redirected

confronted with a new idea

ready to hear I am wrong

and need to change

a constant conversation

holding my hand as I am trying to navigate this stream

unsteady steps

trying to navigate

wobbly logs that tip and roll

throwing me off balance

slippery with water and moss

if I slip 

you will catch me

if I fall 

you will pick me up

if I pull my own way 

you will not let go

please don't let go

even when I am stubborn 

and difficult

you are bigger than me

your love is persistent

you do not give up easily

I am so glad

let you continue to confront with truth

let you continue to work in my life

never be beyond 

hearing you

seeking you

listening to you in any way you may communicate with me

an ear to hear what the Sprit says to the churches

can be there but miss it

Give me a heart to hear you above all else

to love you above all else

to cling to you above all else

to cooperate to your holding onto me

a continual communion

here is all of me

I need you in all your fullness

you are more than whatever I fear to lose

or fear to have to face

You are all

you are here

you are love

you love me

you are with me

you will keep me

you will lead me

you will correct me

you will

not I will

your will not my will

your will not my will be done

a constant communication

back and forth 

up and down

did you mean...?

do you want....?

is this what you want?

please help me to do what you want

"Thomas said to Jesus, 'Lord, we don't know where you are going, 

So how can we know the way?'

Jesus answered, 'I am the way and I am the truth and the life.

The only way to the Father is through me.

If you really knew me, then you would know my Father too.

But now you do know him and have seen him. ' "

John 14: 3-7

You know what it is like to listen and follow another's will 

while in a human body  

with a human soul 

and in a confusing world

"I am the good shepherd.

I know my sheep, as the Father knows me. 

and my sheep know me, as I know the Father.

....

And the sheep listen to the voice of the shepherd. 

He calls his own sheep using their names 

and he leads them out.

 He brings all of his sheep out. 

Then he goes ahead of them and leads them.

 They follow him because they know his voice."

John 10:14, 3-4 International Children's Bible

"I will not be afraid because the Lord is my helper."

Psalm 18:6

International Children's Bible

"If you love me, you will do the things I command. 

I will ask the Father and he will give you another Helper. He will give you this Helper to be with you forever. The Helper is the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him because it does not see him or know him. But you know him. 

 He lives with you and he will be in you." 

John 14 15-17

International Children's Bible