Thursday, January 5, 2017

hope

Can a person live without hope?

I can endure for a season

but can anyone truly live without hope?

Can a human being live without some sense of being loved
of being cared for
desired
enjoyed
and able to contribute in meaningful ways to the lives of others

I can distract myself with a flurry of activity
entertain myself with a myriad of attractions and escapes mentally physically, emotionally spiritually
delude myself by taking refuge in lies and distortions

But truth has a way of confronting us
giving me the opportunity to face it
if I am willing

Jesus says," I am the Way the Truth and the Life, no one comes to the Father except by me" John 14:6

He is The Truth and if I want to know God and trust in Him, it necessitates experiencing truth

not just truth about eternity, life after death, and my spiritual state
truth about my life right now as well
the truth about me

and the truth is
I am more needy than I am aware of

the need is deep
profound
and cannot truly be met
by any friend
meaningful service or achievement
by a spouse
or children
by education
or luxury
or power
or esteem
or education
or fitness
or even by positive thinking
or an attitude of gratitude alone
or hope that things will change in the future
or ______________
fill in the blank

These are all wonderful things
beautiful and wonderful gifts
meant to be taken with gratitude and enjoyed

but if I am honest
they are never enough
to fill and heal my deepest longings and hurts and desires

I am left with really only two choices:

a fluctuating sense of despair
that is sometimes bearable and other times not

or

God

What does it mean to hope and trust in God?

How does this affect my life right now
in the relationships I am in
the challenges I am facing

the desires, disappointments and delusions of the present?

How can I move from an intellectual understanding of hoping in God
to a deeper realization and experience of God himself in my daily life?

these are the questions I wish to prayerfully and diligently explore this coming year

a place to start: Psalm 42

1-3 A white-tailed deer drinks
    from the creek;
I want to drink God,
    deep draughts of God.
I’m thirsty for God-alive.
I wonder, “Will I ever make it—
    arrive and drink in God’s presence?”
I’m on a diet of tears—
    tears for breakfast, tears for supper.
All day long
    people knock at my door,
Pestering,
    “Where is this God of yours?”

yes, deep longings that only the fullness of God himself can assuage
even while experiencing
the assumptions of many,
even myself,
that if I am trusting in God
shouldn't things be going better than they are?
shouldn't I at least be more cheerful and easier to be around???

4 These are the things I go over and over,
    emptying out the pockets of my life.
I was always at the head of the worshiping crowd,
    right out in front,
Leading them all,
    eager to arrive and worship,
Shouting praises, singing thanksgiving—
    celebrating, all of us, God’s feast!

yes, I have experienced times of being filled with worship and joy in you

6-8 When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse
    everything I know of you,
From Jordan depths to Hermon heights,
    including Mount Mizar.
Chaos calls to chaos,
    to the tune of whitewater rapids.
Your breaking surf, your thundering breakers
    crash and crush me.
Then God promises to love me all day,
    sing songs all through the night!
    My life is God’s prayer.

yes, let me rehearse all I know of you
may I ever know you more and more
even while experiencing chaos upon chaos
it is your thundering breakers that wash over me
but you promise yourself to me
an avenue for my soul to communicate with you in songs and in prayer
to express the pain and perplexities I feel
along with the acknowledgement of who you are and all you have done
to bring me into this relationship of love with you
yes, prayer and song

9-10 Sometimes I ask God, my rock-solid God,
    “Why did you let me down?
Why am I walking around in tears,
    harassed by enemies?”
They’re out for the kill, these
    tormentors with their obscenities,
Taunting day after day,
    “Where is this God of yours?”

yes, you want me to talk with you,
ask you my questions
talk with you about what I am experiencing
and how I feel
you are my refuge
my safe haven

note: A fellow blogger has created a list of verses on the topic of hope. Here is the link:

http://unafamiliaalaskena.blogspot.com/p/think-on-these-things.html

also connecting with

http://www.faithbarista.com/category/one-word-coffee/

Friday, December 30, 2016

lack of sweetness and the wellspring

Yes
there are many things that are sweet and times of sweetness
But there is also pain, terrible pain in this life

pain so excruciatingly sharp, deep and profound that is sucks down all sweetness

all the more so because so much pain we experience
seems to have no discernible point at all
and/or may seem endless in scope
with no hope of change or resolution in sight

Living lives of quiet desperation even while seemingly whole and fine to superficial view

What to do with all of this pain?
Where to find any sweetness great enough to mitigate all this suffering
How to bear, endure, and heal?

Can a human being live without some sense of being loved
of being cared for
desired
enjoyed
and able to contribute in meaningful ways to the lives of others

I can distract myself with a flurry of activity
entertain myself with a myriad of attractions and escapes mentally physically, emotionally spiritually
delude myself by taking refuge in lies and distortions

But truth has a way of confronting us
giving me the opportunity to face it
if I am willing

Jesus says," I am the Way the Truth and the Life, no one comes to the Father except by me" John 14:6

He is the truth and if I want to know God and trust in Him, it necessitates experiencing truth

not just truth about eternity, life after death, and my spiritual state
truth about my life right now as well
the truth about me

and the truth is
I am more needy than I am aware of

the need is deep
profound
and cannot truly be met
by any friend
meaningful service or achievement
by a spouse
or children
by education
or luxury
or power
or esteem
or education
or fitness
or even by positive thinking
or an attitude of gratitude alone
or hope that things will change in the future
or ______________
fill in the blank

These are all wonderful things
beautiful and wonderful gifts
meant to be taken with gratitude and enjoyed

but if I am honest
they are never enough
to fill and heal my deepest longings and hurts and desires

I am left with really only two choices

a fluctuating sense of despair
that is sometimes bearable and other times not
or
God

What does it mean to trust in God?

1-3 A white-tailed deer drinks
    from the creek;
I want to drink God,
    deep draughts of God.
I’m thirsty for God-alive.
I wonder, “Will I ever make it—
    arrive and drink in God’s presence?”
I’m on a diet of tears—
    tears for breakfast, tears for supper.
All day long
    people knock at my door,
Pestering,
    “Where is this God of yours?”

yes, deep longings that only the fullness of God himself can assuage
the assumptions of many, even myself, that if I am trusting in God
shouldn't things be going better than they are?
Why does God seem absent when I need Him the most?

4 These are the things I go over and over,
    emptying out the pockets of my life.
I was always at the head of the worshiping crowd,
    right out in front,
Leading them all,
    eager to arrive and worship,
Shouting praises, singing thanksgiving—
    celebrating, all of us, God’s feast!

yes I have experienced times of being filled with worship and joy in you

5 Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
    Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God—
    soon I’ll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
    He’s my God.

yes, the way up is always with you and not with me
or trying to understand what is going on
from my very limited point of view
but seeing again and again
Who You Are

11 Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
    Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God—
    soon I’ll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
    He’s my God.

Psalm 42 The Message

yes, Lord bring me to joy in you and rest in who you are
waiting on you and your working and timing

Jesus is the good shepherd who seeks out the lost
You are seeking me in this
Help me not to harden my heart
and shut you out in my pain and anger and despair

You want to come and find me
You want to be with me
Right here and now
where I am
Please find me
save me

You are with me
Yes, that is what I need the most

You are the only true wellspring of joy
the only deep balm of comfort and peace

Praise you

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

What can I do when the Joy has run out?

How long can a human being live without joy?

Proverbs 17:22New King James Version (NKJV)

22 A merry heart does good, like medicine,[a]
But a broken spirit dries the bones.

Proverbs 17:22New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

22 A cheerful heart makes you healthy.
But a broken spirit dries you up.

Proverbs 17:22The Message (MSG)

22 A cheerful disposition is good for your health;
gloom and doom leave you bone-tired.

Dear Lord, yes there is even a physical connection to our bodies and health by the state of our joy. Please show me how to be joyful when mine has all run out. I am sad and tired and trying to endure and be patient. But I need a fresh touch of you.

You say, "the joy of the Lord is your strength" Nehemiah 8:10 and I believe it with all my heart. I am not looking necessarily for the giddy feelings of happiness but for the solid joy that is indestructible because it is based on who you are and what you are doing and have done.

2 1-3 Three days later there was a wedding in the village of Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there. Jesus and his disciples were guests also. When they started running low on wine at the wedding banquet, Jesus’ mother told him, “They’re just about out of wine.”

4 Jesus said, “Is that any of our business, Mother—yours or mine? This isn’t my time. Don’t push me.”

5 She went ahead anyway, telling the servants, “Whatever he tells you, do it.”

I am not sure why Jesus tells his Mother that this lack of wine is not their business and then he goes ahead to do something about it anyway or why after such an answer, she tells the servants to do what she anticipates him telling them to do.

Somehow she must have understood that he was going to act. There are depths to their relationship that only they knew....

6-7 Six stoneware water pots were there, used by the Jews for ritual washings. Each held twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus ordered the servants, “Fill the pots with water.” And they filled them to the brim.

These pots were huge. Filling 6 of them from a well or where ever else one got water was no small task or easy task as it would seem this was a pointless exercise and was not going to do anything to solve the problem of lack of wine.

8 “Now fill your pitchers and take them to the host,” Jesus said, and they did.

This was perhaps the most difficult of all to do but they did it. At what point did the water turn into wine? We are not told but we are told it was the best wine.

9-10 When the host tasted the water that had become wine (he didn’t know what had just happened but the servants, of course, knew), he called out to the bridegroom, “Everybody I know begins with their finest wines and after the guests have had their fill brings in the cheap stuff. But you’ve saved the best till now!”

11 This act in Cana of Galilee was the first sign Jesus gave, the first glimpse of his glory. And his disciples believed in him.

Oh Lord, you so encourage me from this your first miracle here on this earth as a man, that you have the very very best wine. It pales in comparison to even the best joy that we can experience in life.

It was given, quietly, in a hidden sort of way, through what appeared to be a tedious, monotonous and even fruitless task. It was not given in a flash of supernatural or spectacular action but in obedience.

Oh Lord, thank you, you are speaking to me that as a take the time to fill my heart and mind with the water of your word, it may seem monotonous or even tedious and non effective at the time but that you can turn this into the greatest of joys. The Joy in YOU that is sweeter than anything else.

Thank you Lord, this is so encouraging to me because so many of the things that one can usually find joy in are seemingly out of reach for me now. In a world where joy is found in achievement, intellect, relationships, wealth, ease, comfort,youth, beauty and health, YOU can give us joy even in a season of life when we are experiencing the failing of any or all of these things. You reassure us that your Joy is not cheap or shallow but is rich and sustaining and BETTER!

Help us to continue to contemplate on YOU and know you ina deeper and fuller way.

Praise you Lord

a great opportunity to help us take one verse per day to hold onto Hope in you at
http://unafamiliaalaskena.blogspot.com/p/think-on-these-things.html

Monday, December 5, 2016

The Gift of Presence

What I want most is for you to spend time with me

Listen

Care

Please don't dismiss what I feel or belittle what is on my heart

You don't have to agree

I want feedback and input and perspective

Just please don't make me feel ashamed of what I feel and think

Yes, it takes a tremendously long time for me

and lots and lots of words

to unpack my heart

I am sorry

I cannot seem to do any better tight now

Please pray with me

even 5 min of prayer makes a huge difference

What makes me feel loved and cared for

is time to

rest
reflect
exercise
be quiet
be outdoors

to have healthy food to eat
that supports my body and well-being
my mental and emotional functioning

Pray with me

Kind words of appreciation
and affirmation

Words that are small and realistic
and resonate with the truth

these are what
pour into me
build me up
give me courage
to keep going
and keep giving

give me gratitude to express to God
and a renewed perspective on his goodness
and care in my life

These are the things that I want

In the day in and day outedness of life

I don't want a gift

I want a relationship

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Who Am I Talking To?

"I will go up to the lookout tower.
I'll station myself on tHe city wall.
I'll wait to see how the LORD will reply to me.
Then I'll try to figure out how to answer him." Habakkuk 2:1

"Lord how long do I have to call out for help?
Why don't you listen to me?
How long must I keep telling you
that things are terrible?
Why don't you save us? Habakkuk 1:1

Habakkuk knew where to go with his burning questions

He didn't wait until he had his emotions under control
It came out all hot and fiery

But it came out to the one who He knew was listening and cared
and who he knew would answer him in His own time and way

To Whom am I speaking?

Trusting God does not mean I do not feel angry, depressed, sad, bewildered or even abandoned

What do I do with these feelings?
Do I bring them to Him?

Reading the lives of others to see God working

I love reading biographies of persons seeking to trust and obey God through all kinds of difficulties and their own failings and flaws
Lately to me, it seems that many of these stories are written showing persons who by the grace of God come through their struggles
are enabled to persevere and do amazing things
including overcoming themselves
their fears, hesitations, inclination to self-preservation and racism etc

The ones I find most encouraging are the ones who bare their souls and let me see the struggles,
the failings, the doubts, etc.

I wonder, though, in our human tendency to want to make a nice story and a happy ending
we don't inadvertently gloss and smooth over rough points too much
making and drawing straight lines and conclusions
where the truth was more complex and murky

Why I need to see and hear your struggles

I love Habakkuk because he just lays it out there

"Lord how long do I have to call out for help?
Why don't you listen to me?
How long must I keep telling you
that things are terrible?
Why don't you save us?

This comforts me because I don't always find any improvement ( to my own limited sight and to my own limited definitions) to the things I am so desperately in conversation with God over

It is always true that I need to grow in grace
in trusting in
in believing in you
in practical working out of your truth
in my heart, inner thoughts, conversations, perspectives, reactions, relationships, etc

but there is this sharp assassin's blade thrown into my heart

If you trusted God ___________
(more, better, fuller, deeper, more practically - you fill in the adjective)

then you would
be more full of joy and peace, be able to have a stronger and better effect on those around,
see more spiritual fruit, etc, etc, fill in the blank...)

Partially true / Partially false

YES it is true that we can always be more filled with the Holy Spirit
and His working of inner peace and joy and love to others
courage to act selflessly
persist in difficulty
YES

But even Christ said "Father Father, why have you forsaken me?
He felt abandoned and alone even in the center of God's will
and accomplishing the very work He came to do

You gave us the Psalms that are full of poignant emotion
much of it we would term negative

Habakkuk is feeling deep pain and angst
even as he is looking forward to hearing how the Lord is going to meet him

I am struggling through a long season of trial
feeling as one could imagine

and the thought that things could/would be better if I were more spiritual is a painful one
true but also untrue

I think the best way forward is to just talk with you about this
let you sort me out

You can show me where there is unbelief, bitterness, self pity, resentment, hardness of heart
Only you can help me to see the truth
Only you can bring me closer to you and more and more free of these things

Only you can transform me
and those around me

Worship and Peace

Yes, this is the point
all about you and not me

O Lord,
help me to remain in openness to you
where you can work in me

Help me to trust in you
when there is a sense of overcoming
and when there is not

it is not about my feeble evaluations

You are the one I need no matter what is going on around me and in me
You are able to get what you want in me

24 God is strong and can help you not to fall.
He can bring you before his glory without any wrong in you
and give you great joy.

25 He is the only God.
He is the One who saves us.
To him be glory, greatness, power, and authority
through Jesus Christ our Lord
for all time past, now, and forever. Amen.

Jude 24-25 International Children's Bible