meeting with God in the place of my greatest failure

The site for the location of the temple chosen on the location of intense judgement for David's conscious sin

This is much in this passage that is troubling and upseting
but this, THIS is where the site for the temple was chosen
in this mess
in this failure
in the midst of judgement and consequence

THIS IS WHERE GOD CHOSE TO PLACE HIS NAME

David sent servants to count and number all the people of Isreal
this was explicitly and clearly written in scripture as something a king of Isreal was never to do

Even, Joab, the commander of the army, who was not know for his piety, who went on to kill an unarmed man under the guise of friendship, even this Joab

stood before David and said, 'Do not do this' 'This is wrong'

But David forcefully over ruled him
and Joab submitted to doing the task

Then conviction came
and David let the truth hit home

And Davids' heart smote him after that he had numbered the people.
And David said unto the LORD, " I have sinned greatly in what I have done and now, I beseech thee, O LORD take away the iniquity of your servant; for I have done very foolishly.

9 Then the Lord spoke to Gad, David’s seer, saying, 10 “Go and tell David, saying, ‘Thus says the Lord: “I offer you three things; choose one of them for yourself, that I may do it to you.”’”

11 So Gad came to David and said to him, “Thus says the Lord: ‘Choose for yourself, 12 either three[a] years of famine, or three months to be defeated by your foes with the sword of your enemies overtaking you, or else for three days the sword of the Lord—the plague in the land, with the angel[b] of the Lord destroying throughout all the territory of Israel.’ Now consider what answer I should take back to Him who sent me.”

13 And David said to Gad, “I am in great distress. Please let me fall into the hand of the Lord, for His mercies are very great; but do not let me fall into the hand of man.”

14 So the Lord sent a plague upon Israel, and seventy thousand men of Israel fell. 15 And God sent an angel to Jerusalem to destroy it. As he[c] was destroying, the Lord looked and relented of the disaster, and said to the angel who was destroying, “It is enough; now restrain your[d] hand.” And the angel of the Lord stood by the threshing floor of Ornan[e] the Jebusite.

16 Then David lifted his eyes and saw the angel of the Lord standing between earth and heaven, having in his hand a drawn sword stretched out over Jerusalem. So David and the elders, clothed in sackcloth, fell on their faces.17 And David said to God, “Was it not I who commanded the people to be numbered? I am the one who has sinned and done evil indeed; but these sheep, what have they done? Let Your hand, I pray, O Lord my God, be against me and my father’s house, but not against Your people that they should be plagued.”

18 Therefore, the angel of the Lord commanded Gad to say to David that David should go and erect an altar to the Lord on the threshing floor of Ornan the Jebusite. 19 So David went up at the word of Gad, which he had spoken in the name of the Lord. 20 Now Ornan turned and saw the angel; and his four sonswho were with him hid themselves, but Ornan continued threshing wheat. 21 So David came to Ornan, and Ornan looked and saw David. And he went out from the threshing floor, and bowed before David with his face to the ground.22 Then David said to Ornan, “Grant me the place of this threshing floor, that I may build an altar on it to the Lord. You shall grant it to me at the full price, that the plague may be withdrawn from the people.”

23 But Ornan said to David, “Take it to yourself, and let my lord the king dowhat is good in his eyes. Look, I also give you the oxen for burnt offerings, the threshing implements for wood, and the wheat for the grain offering; I give itall.”

24 Then King David said to Ornan, “No, but I will surely buy it for the full price, for I will not take what is yours for the Lord, nor offer burnt offerings with that which costs me nothing.” 25 So David gave Ornan six hundred shekels of gold by weight for the place. 26 And David built there an altar to the Lord, and offered burnt offerings and peace offerings, and called on the Lord; and He answered him from heaven by fire on the altar of burnt offering.

27 So the Lord commanded the angel, and he returned his sword to its sheath.

28 At that time, when David saw that the Lord had answered him on the threshing floor of Ornan the Jebusite, he sacrificed there. 29 For the tabernacle of the Lord and the altar of the burnt offering, which Moses had made in the wilderness, were at that time at the high place in Gibeon. 30 But David could not go before it to inquire of God, for he was afraid of the sword of the angel of theLord.

Footnotes:

1. 1 Chronicles 21:12 Or seven (compare 2 Samuel 24:13)
2. 1 Chronicles 21:12 Or Angel, and so elsewhere in this chapter
3. 1 Chronicles 21:15 Or He
4. 1 Chronicles 21:15 Or Your
5. 1 Chronicles 21:15 Spelled Araunah in 2 Samuel 24:16

New King James Version (NKJV)

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

It is here where there is deep and heartfelt conviction of genuine wrong doing that cannot be excused or explained any other way. 

It is here where there is even acceptance of consequence and personal responsibility

It is here that holy ground is formed

where God meets with sinful man

I have a lot of questions about this passage but most of all 

I need the truth of who you are that is shown here

because I sin

I really sin

I sin, knowing it is wrong and doing it anyway

I sin, even when there are clear voices saying, do not do this

there is no excuse or any other way to spin it or excuse it

I need Jesus

desperately

and here is where he wants to reveal himself in all his beauty and glory

1 John 4:10J.B. Phillips New Testament (PHILLIPS)

9-10 To us, the greatest demonstration of God’s love for us has been his sending his only Son into the world to give us life through him. We see real love, not in that fact that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to make personal atonement for our sins.

J.B. Phillips New Testament (PHILLIPS)

J. B. Phillips, "The New Testament in Modern English", 1962 edition by HarperCollins

1 Peter 3:18International Standard Version (ISV)

18 For the Messiah[a] also suffered[b] for sins once for all,
    an innocent person for the guilty,
        so that he could bring you[c] to God.
He was put to death in a mortal body
    but was brought to life by the Spirit,

Footnotes:

1. 1 Peter 3:18 Or Christ
2. 1 Peter 3:18 Other mss. read died
3. 1 Peter 3:18 Other mss. read us

International Standard Version (ISV)

Copyright © 1995-2014 by ISV Foundation. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED INTERNATIONALLY. Used by permission of Davidson Press, LLC.

Woman, Where Are Your Accusers?

one by one they all backed away
silently vacating the place
where only moments ago
they had cried loudly and vehemently for her condemnation
and violent death

stones in hand
ready to let fly
all aimed at her

she had no defense of any kind
she was guilty
she was caught in the very act of doing wrong

there really was nothing thar could be said or done

but then He had said,

"Let the person who is without sin

cast the first stone"

and the crowd fell silent
stared
glared
and then
silently
one by one
evaporated away

she was left alone

but not alone

alone with Jesus

"Woman, where are your accusers?

Is there no one left to condemn you?

"No one, Lord"


only He is able to silence, disintegrate, and  dissapate
those inner voices of shame
condemnation
judgement and
despair

Only He is able to silence and decimate

those who would accuse
throw weighted judgement
tear apart
with both words and actions

pummel and break apart
slowly
blow by blow over time

with sharp and weighted words
looks and thoughrs


Only He is able to say

"Neither do I condemn you.

Go, and sin no more"

Go and sin no more

Only He has paid for my sin and yours with his own body
Taken the judgement that should come to me

"He was hated and rejected by people.
He had much pain and suffering.
People would not even look at him.
He was hated and we didn't even notice him.

But he took our suffering on him and felt our pain for us.

We saw his suffering.
We thought God was punishing him. 

But he was wounded for the wrong things that we did.

He was crushed for the evil things we did. 

The punishment that made us well 
was given to him.

And we are healed because of his wounds."

Isaiah 53:2-5 International Childrens Bible

praise you Lord!
I love you
s

The Joy of Being Loved

Luke 15:11-32J.B. Phillips New Testament (PHILLIPS)

11-19 Then he continued, “Once there was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the property that will come to me.’ So he divided up his property between the two of them. Before very long, the younger son collected all his belongings and went off to a foreign land, where he squandered his wealth in the wildest extravagance. And when he had run through all his money, a terrible famine arose in that country, and he began to feel the pinch. Then he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country who sent him out into the fields to feed the pigs. He got to the point of longing to stuff himself with the food the pigs were eating and not a soul gave him anything. Then he came to his senses and cried aloud, ‘Why, dozens of my father’s hired men have got more food than they can eat and here I am dying of hunger! I will get up and go back to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have done wrong in the sight of Heaven and in your eyes. I don’t deserve to be called your son any more. Please take me on as one of your hired men.”’

20-24 So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still some distance off, his father saw him and his heart went out to him, and he ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. But his son said, ‘Father, I have done wrong in the sight of Heaven and in your eyes. I don’t deserve to be called your son any more ....’ ‘Hurry!’ called out his father to the servants, ‘fetch the best clothes and put them on him! Put a ring on his finger and shoes on his feet, and get that calf we’ve fattened and kill it, and we will have a feast and a celebration! For this is my son—I thought he was dead, and he’s alive again. I thought I had lost him, and he’s found!’ And they began to get the festivities going.

25-32 “But his elder son was out in the fields, and as he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants across to him and enquired what was the meaning of it all. ‘Your brother has arrived, and your father has killed the calf we fattened because he has got him home again safe and sound,’ was the reply. But he was furious and refused to go inside the house. So his father came outside and called him. Then he burst out, ‘Look, how many years have I slaved for you and never disobeyed a single order of yours, and yet you have never given me so much as a young goat, so that I could give my friends a dinner? But when that son of yours arrives, who has spent all your money on prostitutes, for him you kill the calf we’ve fattened!’ But the father replied, ‘My dear son, you have been with me all the time and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and show our joy. For this is your brother; I thought he was dead—and he’s alive. I thought he was lost—and he is found!’”

J.B. Phillips New Testament (PHILLIPS

This is a tale of two sons, both wanting to have nice things and enjoy life

but only one of them comes to love, to know the joy of being loved

Both sons had so much

a loving father and home

many, many nice things

but it was not enough for either of them

So the one demanded his share of his father's wealth and then abandonded him

he sought adventure, pleasure and fun

He found it... for a while

Then he found deprivation, hunger, alienation, shame and desperation

He came to a truthful acknowledgement of his own selfish and destructive choices

He acknowledged that all along he had a Father who loved him 

and would do what was right to take care of him

He saw both himself and his Father in a new and more truthful way

He summoned up the courage to return home

to face whatever was to come

to clearly state his own behavior as wrong

to admit the damage he had done to the relationship 

He was willing to do whatever it would take to make things right in time

What he found was beyond belief -

joy in his return

love for his person

forgiveness for his wrongs

absolution of his debt

a return to his place in the family

What was his response?

How could it be anything other than joy, pure joy

grace, gratitude and amazement

knowing he deserved none of this

deserved lots of things he was not getting 

getting lots of things he did not deserve

The joy of being loved,deeply truly loved for no reason at all other than 

A Father's love

The other son also wanted all the nice things around him and a good time with his friends

But he never found it

He felt like a slave 

he didn't feel like he got what he deserved

He thought he was okay and would get it eventually

until his brother returned

and the father lavished the best they had 

on another

He even refers to his brother as "your other son"

He had missed developing a relationship of love with his father and with his brother

He had lived all those years not enjoying what was right there all the time

the deep and wonderful love of such a father

He was doing what he did for what it would get him

not out of love for such a Father

Oh, Lord

help me 

not to miss YOU

YOU in all things

YOU above all things

YOU more than anything

YOU are here

right now 

right here 

yearning to love me

deeply

truly 

Both sons thought the treasure was the stuff that belonged to the Father

But only one discovered that the real treasure was

the Father himself

to be enjoyed

right here

right now

 ‘My dear son, you have been with me all the time and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and show our joy. For this is your brother; I thought he was dead—and he’s alive. I thought he was lost—and he is found!’”

John 14:1-7 Phillips

14 1-4 “You must not let yourselves be distressed—you must hold on to your faith in God and to your faith in me. There are many rooms in my Father’s House. If there were not, should I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? It is true that I am going away to prepare a place for you, but it is just as true that I am coming again to welcome you into my own home, so that you may be where I am. You know where I am going and you know the road I am going to take.”

5 “Lord,” Thomas remonstrated, “we do not know where you’re going, and how can we know what road you’re going to take?”

6-7 “I myself am the road,” replied Jesus, “and the truth and the life. No one approaches the Father except through me. If you had known who I am, you would have known my Father. From now on, you do know him and you have seen him.”

J.B. Phillips New Testament (PHILLIPS)

J. B. Phillips, "The New Testament in Modern English", 1962 edition by HarperCollins

Desperate Faith

"21 Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. 22 A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly.”

23 Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.”

24 He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.”

25 The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said.

26 He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”

27 “Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”

28 Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment."

Matthew 15:21-28New International Version (NIV)

 She came to Jesus

because need drove her

She had no one else who could possibly help

She had no other option

She had no other possiblity 

or any other hope

She knew she was not enough
to meet the need of another

She had never met HIM

or knew HIM

but she had heard of HIM

and believed

The only other option 

was despair

She came to him

driven by love

for another

driven by the suffering
of  seeing her loved one

suffer 

torment

upon 

torment

on and on 

over and over

She came

she pursued

she sought out

she would not 

be turned away

by anything

Why did Jesus not respond to her at first?

I do not know

she did not know

But still she continued to seek and pursue HIM

Why did Jesus only respond after the others complained about her?

I do not know

she did not know

but still she continued to seek and pursue HIM

He answered her in what seems so gruff,, rejecting, and final

Why did he speak thus to her?

I do not know

she did not know

but still she continued to seek and pursue HIM

She talked back to Jesus

and he commended her

A crumb

that is all I am asking

a crumb
because YOU are SO GREAT
that will be ENOUGH

Say whatever you will say or do 
or not say or do
 to me

I will not stop pursuing you

"Lord to whom shall we go?

You have the words of eternal life"
John 6:68 KJV

I get so confused about persisting in coming to YOU in prayer...

Do you just want us to be pigheaded and stubborn?

relentlessly pestering you to death 

with my cries and requests?

But You did not say to this woman. "Great is your endurance"

"great is your patience"

"great is your stubborness"

You said, 'Great is your faith.'

Yes, I want things of you

I want you to listen to my heart 

and do what I so earnestly long for

but I am so afraid to really pray for what I desire

because there really is no way to do this safely

prayer is the verbalizing
and

articulating
of what is deep within

the admitting of what I long for

the words come out with my heart still attatched to them

What if you do not answer the way I want?

What if you do not answer when I want?

What if you do not answer me at all?

What if I don't even know what the answer is that you are giving to me?

What if your answer is no

to what I feel desperate about

to what I feel that I just cannot do without

And so I remain in the no man's land 

of vague generalities

requests framed like statements in a fortune cookie

so that no matter what happens

I can stay somewhat emotionally "safe"

But you pushed this woman beyond

beyond caring what anyone else thought

beyond even a seemingly unfavorable response from you

You pushed her to stake her all

on YOU

not on any guarentee she would get what she was asking for

but on who YOU ARE

You will give what is good

somehow

 in time

You may not give me what I want

when I want it

But you long to always give me 

YOURSELF

The Lord is near to those who call upon him

to those who call upon him in truth.

Psalm 145:18 NIV

This is the voice of a man who calls out:

"Prepare in the desert

the way for the Lord.

Make the road in the dry lands 

straight for our God. 

Every valley should be raised up. 

Every mountain and hills should be made flat,

The rough ground should be made level. 

The rugged ground sold be made smooth.

Then the glory of the Lord will be shown. 

All people together will see it. 

The Lord himself said these things."

Isaiah 40 :3-5 ICB

Yes, 

even these desperate needs

are an opportunity 

to prepare my heart 

for your coming

in

Oh Lord, help me to not try to keep you at a distance
keepng all the pain
all the desperate desires and longings
bottled up inside of me
and away from you

Help me to open my heart to you
in the midst of this desperation
this deep grief, disappointment,
confusion or desire

no matter what the situation 

or what others are saying or thinkig or doing
help me 

to trust in you
in who you are
not anything else

to rest in you

to know your presence and your love in my heart

to commune with you all that is in my heart
nothing hidden
nothing reserved

to open the depths of my being to your depths of love

to know you in the deep

"Deep calls unto deep
at the noise of your waterfalls
All your waves and billows have gone over me."
Psalm 42:7 NKJV

yes

this is where you get you glory
you will transform my inner life
and others will see your greatness

and be drawn to YOU
your
beauty,
grace, 
wisdom,
love,
compassion
and power.

Praise you Lord!

Every valley should be raised up. 

Every mountain and hills should be made flat,

The rough ground should be made level. 

The rugged ground sold be made smooth.

Then the glory of the Lord will be shown. 

All people together will see it. 

The Lord himself said these things."

Isaiah 40 :4-5 ICB