Who Am I Talking To?

"I will go up to the lookout tower. 
I'll station myself on tHe city wall. 
I'll wait to see how the LORD will reply to me. 
Then I'll try to figure out how to answer him."  Habakkuk 2:1

"Lord how long do I have to call out for help?
Why don't you listen to me?
How long must I keep telling you
that things are terrible?
Why don't you save us? Habakkuk 1:1

Habakkuk knew where to go with his burning questions

He didn't wait until he had his emotions under control
It came out all hot and fiery

But it came out to the one who He knew was listening and cared
and who he knew would answer him in His own time and way

To Whom am I speaking? 

Trusting God does not mean I do not feel angry, depressed, sad, bewildered or even abandoned

What do I do with these feelings?
Do I bring them to Him?


Reading the lives of others to see God working 

I love reading biographies of persons seeking to trust and obey God through all kinds of difficulties and their own failings and flaws
Lately to me, it seems that many of these stories are written showing persons who by the grace of God come through their struggles
are enabled to persevere and do amazing things
including overcoming themselves
their fears, hesitations, inclination to self-preservation and racism etc

The ones I find most encouraging are the ones who bare their souls and let me see the struggles,
the failings, the doubts, etc.

I wonder, though, in our human tendency to want to make a nice story and a happy ending
we don't inadvertently gloss and smooth over rough points too much
making and drawing straight lines and conclusions
where the truth was more complex and murky

Why I need to see and hear your struggles

I love Habakkuk because he just lays it out there


"Lord how long do I have to call out for help?
Why don't you listen to me?
How long must I keep telling you
that things are terrible?
Why don't you save us?

This comforts me because I don't always find any improvement ( to my own limited sight and to my own limited definitions) to the things I am so desperately in conversation with God over

It is always true that I need to grow in grace
in trusting in
in believing in you
in practical working out of your truth
in my heart, inner thoughts, conversations, perspectives, reactions, relationships, etc

but there is this sharp assassin's blade thrown into my heart

If you trusted God ___________
 (more, better, fuller, deeper, more practically - you fill in the adjective)

then  you would
  be more full of joy and peace, be able to have a stronger and better effect on those around,
  see more spiritual fruit, etc, etc,  fill in the blank...)

Partially true / Partially false

YES it is true that we can always be more filled with the Holy Spirit
 and His working of inner peace and joy and love to others
courage to act selflessly
persist in difficulty
YES

But even Christ said "Father Father, why have you forsaken me?
He felt abandoned and alone even in the center of God's will
and accomplishing the very work He came to do

You gave us the Psalms that are full of poignant emotion
much of it we would term negative

Habakkuk is feeling deep pain and angst
even as he is looking forward to hearing how the Lord is going to meet him

I am struggling through a long season of trial
feeling as one could imagine

and the thought that things could/would be better if I  were more spiritual is a painful one
true but also untrue

 I think the best way forward is to just talk with you about this
let you sort me out

You can show me where there is unbelief, bitterness, self pity,  resentment, hardness of heart
Only you can help me to see the truth
Only you can bring me closer to you and more and more free of these things

Only you can transform me
and those around me

Worship and Peace

Yes, this is the point
all about you and not me

O Lord,
help me to remain in openness to you
where you can work in me

Help me to trust in you
when there is a sense of overcoming
and when there is not

it is not about my feeble evaluations

You are the one I need no matter what is going on around me and in me
You are able to get what you want in me

24 God is strong and can help you not to fall. 
He can bring you before his glory without any wrong in you
 and give you great joy. 

25 He is the only God.
 He is the One who saves us. 
To him be glory, greatness, power, and authority 
through Jesus Christ our Lord 
for all time past, now, and forever. Amen.

Jude 24-25 International Children's Bible

Those Who Know Their God Shall Be Strong

 "And such as do wickedly against the covenant shall he corrupt by flatteries:

 but the people that do know their God shall be strong, and do exploits." 

Daniel 11:32 KJV

"With flattery he will corrupt those who act wickedly toward the covenant, 

but the people who know their God 

will be strong 

and take action." 

Daniel 11:32 Holman

(for context read all of Daniel 11 at the link below

 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Daniel+11&version=HCSB

This chapter is describing a time of great distress that is yet to come. Verses 21-44 are about a person who will do great evil and have great power for a predetermined length of time. Verse 32 in the midst of this section shows us those who were strong in the Lord because they knew Him.  This meditation focuses on this encouragement. To see the strength of this encouragement, one must understand the time that is being described.  In other words, this encouragement is not just for times when it is easy to be encouraged to trust in God but in the worst and most difficult setting we could possibly imagine. I find tremendous comfort in this.)

A time of great difficulty and distress

Darkness and despair

An unfettered reign of evil

Seeming destruction of all that is good

Deceit, falsehood and trickery 

Fear and intense pressure 

struggle and deprivation

But this is not all that is

There is still YOU

You who sit enthroned above all

You who hold even the most powerful we know in utter derision and contempt.

You laugh at their boastful words

Because you know their time is short

Their days are limited

Because You have set the limits

Their days are numbered beforehand

You alone are God

And all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing.  

And He does according to His will in the host of heaven  

and among the inhabitants of the earth,  

and none can stay His hand  

or say to Him, What are You doing? 

   

Daniel 4:35 Amp.

Darkness shall endure only as long as you allow it

Yes, you do allow it

We don't always know why

But we know YOU

That You alone are God

You alone are all powerful

You alone are all knowing

And You alone are all loving

Even to those who vehemently oppose and despise you

You give time 

And an opportunity to know you

Be transformed and love you

"But God demonstrated his love in that while we were still sinners Christ died fir us." Romans 8:32 KJV

18 Christ himself died for you. And that one death paid for your sins. 

He was not guilty, but he died for those who are guilty.

 He did this to bring you all to God.

 His body was killed, but he was made alive in the spirit.  i Peter 3:18 ICB

As a child to a Father who so loves, anyone can be brought to know you

“For God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son.

 God gave his Son so that whoever believes in him may not be lost, but have eternal life.

John 3:16

Only you can transform our hearts to truly know you and love you 

and because of love for you truly know and love all others

Yes Lord please come in

Do your transformative working

Cause us to see you and know you

No matter what our physical mental emotional circumstantial states

We worship you Lord

Dan 11 32b  :... the people who know their God will be strong and take action."

These folks were not strong or brave or hopeful or wise 

Or any other quality in themselves

The only quality told us was that they knew their God

Belonged to him

Loved and were loved by him

There was nothing special about them 

Only that they had a living connection to the living God

Whatever our struggles and difficulties now let us take the opportunity that is here

right here

in this very moment and state to seek and pursue you

to cry out to you

To read your word to seek you in all

to open our hearts to you and trust in you

To let our relationship with you grow strong

Rooted and grounded in Christ

7 Keep your roots deep in him 

and have your lives built on him.

Be strong in the faith, just as you were taught. 

And always be thankful. 

Colossians 2:7 ICB

17 I pray that Christ will live in your hearts because of your faith. 

I pray that your life will be strong in love and be built on love.

Ephesians 3:17 ICB

The suffering we are enduring has its limits. It will end but You are eternal and our relationship with you is eternal.

Dan 11 32b  :... the people who know their God will be strong and take action."

For further encouragement:

  Daniel 4    https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Daniel%204

When LIfe and Beliefs Collide by Carolyn Custis James  has been a tremendous strength and encouragement to me to seek above all else to know God

The life of Joseph in Genesis chapters 37 through 50 is also a deep encouragement to me that God is working even in the deepest sufferings and how he can so completely transform our lives in just one day.  

The On Going Conversation

I keep waiting for someone to show up

someone who understands me and cares for me

truly sees me

sees beyond the surface to what I really need and want and am about

who doesn't come to hasty or harsh conclusions

who longs to show kindness to me

who is warm and friendly. nurturing and supportive

who has gracious words for me

who can speak hope and encouragement into my dark places

who loves me
unabahedly
powerfully
deeply

someone with whom I have continuity
who has known me over time

through many experiences

who gets me


I keep waiting for this person to arrive

a friend, a fellow church member a neighbor a family member a husband children

but for all those whom you have so graciously given

there is not one in the way that I so desperately long for

at least not in the way I want them to be

because  that person is YOU


You are here with me
I can speak to you at any time
about anything
you always understand
you always care
you always listen with love in your heart


you have words of wisdom, guidance, comfort, hope and love

You see and know the truth about me

You see with hope and kindness even what I cannot see to be true yet

Your love is powerful, deep, strong

You are not put off by my sin, my selfishness, my delusions, my self absorption

You long to break me free from these

You don't leave when I am needy and difficult

You don't withdraw when I don't meet your expectations or desires

20 Listen! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and have dinner with him, and he with Me.   Rev. 3:20 Holman

While you say, ‘I am rich, I have prospered, and there is nothing that I need’, you have no eyes to see that you are wretched, pitiable, poverty-stricken, blind and naked. My advice to you is to buy from me that gold which is purified in the furnace so that you may be rich, and white garments to wear so that you may hide the shame of your nakedness, and salve to put on your eyes to make you see. All those whom I love I correct and discipline. Therefore, shake off your complacency and repent. See, I stand knocking at the door. If anyone listens to my voice and opens the door, I will go into his house, and dine with him, and he with me.   Revelation 3:16-20   Phillips


You are showing up 

right here where I am 

You are not waiting till I improve, or change

You are seeking me out

You want to give, comfort , transform

You are knocking and calling to me

caringly, passionately, persistently




Please just open up and let me in

that is all I am waiting for and require

don't shut me out

don't drown out my voice calling to you and speaking to you


let me in

I love you

I am not going to harangue you



I want to share a meal with you

dine

converse

listen 

ask questions

comfort 

share wisdom and guidance

talk together


I want to come in to stay with you

I will never leave you or forsake you

Please let me in

You cannot earn this relationship and love

I don't expect you to

I just want to love you

Please let me in

23 Jesus answered,
 “If anyone loves me,
 then he will obey my teaching.
 My Father will love him, 
and we will come to him 
and make our home with him.
John 14:23   International Children's Bible


I want to make my home with you

right here where you are

to be with you always

Obedience is really just listening to me

I will give you all that you need to do what I know is best for you

Please don't be afraid of that word

Please just keep talking with me 

The ongoing conversation

at any time or place
any circumstance or state you are in 
we can share and converse together

Come let us dine together

I love you 

A Woman God has Blessed

"Mary said,
My soul gives glory to the Lord.
   My spirit delights in God my Savior.
He has taken note of me
   even though I am not important.
From now on all people will call me blessed.
   The Mighty One has done great things for me.
   His name is holy.


Luke 1:46-49 NIVR

This was expressed by a young woman, who went to stay with her relative for 3 months instead of with her parents.  There is no written record of her mother or father during this time. What did they think? Why are they left out of  this account?

Sure, an angel had appeared to her and told her she would become pregnant without ever interacting with a man.  But would you believe your 14 year old daughter if she told you this?

We are told of the reaction of her betrothed to this:

"This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about. His mother, Mary and Joseph had promised to get married. But before they started to live together, it became clear that she was going to have a baby.  She became pregnant by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Her husband, Joseph was a godly man.  He did not want to put her to shame in public. So he planned to divorce her quietly.
But as Joseph  was thinking about hsi an angel of the lord appeared to him in a dream. The angel said, 'Joseph, son of David, don't be afraid to take Mary home as your wife.  The baby inside her is from the Holy Spirit. She is going to have a son.  You must give him the name, Jesus.  That is because he will save his people from their sins. "  Matthew 1:18-21 NIRV

If I were in these circumstances, would I be filled with praise over the goodness of God?

I think I would be stressed to death over the responsibility, the misunderstanding of those I loved, and the impossibility of the next 20 years...

I would not consider myself a woman  God has blessed.

What was it about Mary that led her to rejoice in God and Elizabeth, her relative to say, "You are a woman God has blessed. You have believed that what the Lord has said to you will be done."

One message that hits home to me in this is shown most clearly by the following passage:

   "How can this happen?' Mary asked the angel. "I am a virgin."
    The angel answered, 'The Holy Spirit will come to you . The power of the Most High God will cover you. So the holy one that is born will be called the Son of God.  Your relative Elizabeth is old. And even she is going to have a child. People thought she could not have children.  But she has been pregnant for six months now.  Nothing is impossible with God."
   "I serve the Lord." Mary answered. "May it happen to me just as you said it would."
Luke 1:34-38 NIRV

God is speaking to me in this.

1.  Mary's very identity was about the Lord and not about herself. ( I am the servant of the Lord)

2. Anything truly good is only possible by the power of the Holy Spirit.
It is not in me and never will be.  Only He can truly work. (Nothing is impossible with God) Therefore there is hope.

3. Mary's focus was on the Lord, who He is and what He wanted her to do.
All the painful misunderstandings and surmisings of those around her were not the determining factor. (May it happen to me just as you said it would)

This is very encouraging to me, because
1. I feel like my circumstances are just so hard. too hard . impossibly hard.
Her circumstances were not the determinant of her inner life with God but rather the other way around.

2. I can be a woman blessed by God even in a very hard place when I don't know exactly what is going to happen or how circumstances are going to work out.

3.  Mary's prayer of praise isn't about this is going to work out great for me, or wow, what I want is going to happen.  It was a prayer of belief that God is who he says he is and will do good even in what I feel is insurmountably hard.

Oh Lord,
Thank you for showing me yourself in these passages. Thank you for lifting my eyes and heart out of the box that I feel trapped in: my own inadequacies, failings, sufferings, as well as the desires for those I love that seem thwarted again and again.

I want to believe you, but I am scared to believe for specific occurrences and details.  Not scared that you cannot do this, but scared that in wanting these things so badly, I confuse what I want for what you are doing and assume it will be the way I long for.  It may not be the way I expect or think but I can always plant my heart on the rock of who you are.  You are good and you are always working good in ways I cannot perceive now.  You do not change and you are never intimidated or overwhelmed or thwarted in your plans.

Thank you for encouraging me that Mary believed who you are and that you were able to do whatever you said. That I can always believe you to be good and kind and able to break through any impossible barrier at any time.

Thank you that you didn't even include a lot of the suffering I think Mary must have gone through here because you are right, in the end it didn't even matter at all. It is now over and gone and even forgotten in a sense.

Thank you Lord for loving me and always shining through the dark clouds to show me yourself  No matter what happens, you are the same and will not change.

Praise you Lord for bringing me from fear to praise and joy.

I am a woman that God has Blessed.

Amen.

"Mary said,
My soul gives glory to the Lord.
   My spirit delights in God my Savior.
He has taken note of me
   even though I am not important.
From now on all people will call me blessed.
   The Mighty One has done great things for me.
   His name is holy.
He shows his mercy to those who have respect for him,
   from parent to child down through the years.
He has done mighty things with his arm.
   He has scattered those who are proud in their deepest thoughts.
He has filled those who are hungry with good things.
   But he has sent those who are rich away empty.
He has helped the people of Israel, who serve him.
  He has always remembered to be kind
to Abraham and his children down through the years.
  He has done it just as he said to our people of long ago.

Luke 1:46-55 NIVR

Worship vs. Worry

Worship vs. Worry

yep folks this is a pvp world  (player vs. player)

at least in my life, these are mutually exclusive

one masters the other

no man can serve two masters...

Matthew 6:24

24 “No one can be loyal to two masters. He is bound to hate one and love the other, or support one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and the power of money at the same time.”

J.B. Phillips New Testament 

this passage is focusing on money

for me anyways, the draw of money is the draw of provision and freedom to do what I want

to do what I want
                   when I want
                          and how I want

to provide what I need without having to depend on God  (delusion!)

to make things the way I think they should be  (as if this were even possible!)

Isn't that the crux of it?

my feeble but strong willed attempt to be god
the ruler of my own little universe

to be the center
to order and create things the way I think they should be?


only....

I cannot do it

it never works

It only destroys

myself

and every one else I hold dear

The Way Out of Despair

"Humble yourself 

under the mighty hand of  God

and in due time,

 he will exalt you" 

 I Peter 5:6 KJV

So, humble yourselves under God’s strong hand,

 and in his own good time he will lift you up. 

You can throw the whole weight of your anxieties

 upon him

, for you are his personal concern.

I Peter 5:6-7 ICB

to face the ultimate reality that you, you alone are God

You are the only God
there is no other God beside you

and to believe you have a personal love and care for me
not because of me at all
but because you are love


The Core

Things will only be right when you are the center
When you have your rightful place

as ruler and Lord in this tiny universe of mine
in my heart
in my mind
in my thoughts
in my priorities and actions
in my relationships

in the sphere of influence you have placed me


Fear

Oh how my fears shriek like the Furies
Give up control?

What will God do to me/
What will he ask of me?
What will happen to me?


fear that cannot be assuaged by logic, argument , reason or any other  kind of persuasion

There is only one antidote
powerful enough to counter act the poison seeping through every part of my being

WORSHIP

WHO YOU ARE

WHAT YOU HAVE DONE

Only you transcend all boundaries
of what is possible,
all reasonable expectations

You are not limited in any way

Daniel 4:35New International Reader's Version 

35 He considers all the nations on earth
    to be nothing.
He does as he pleases
    with the powers of heaven.
He does what he wants
    with the nations of the earth.
No one can hold back his hand.
    No one can say to him,
    “What have you done?”

You have made the laws and limitations that this universe functions in
and you are able to transcend them at any time

you can completely break through any barrier and problem anytime

While I continually smash into the barrier of my own limitations
You are not limited in any way

While I see only dead ends. impossibilities..... and despair
you are the God of HOPE

While I continually find the limits of my own ability to love
YOU ARE LOVE
that is everlasting
never ending

"Your mercies are new every morning.
Great is your faithfulness"
Lamentations 3:23 KJV

Lamentations 3:22-24 NIRV

22 The Lord loves us very much.
    So we haven’t been completely destroyed.
    His loving concern never fails.
23 His great love is new every morning.
    Lord, how faithful you are!
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is everything I will ever need.
    So I will put my hope in him. 

How you took Joseph:, forgotten and languishing in prison for something he didn't even do,
Betrayed and abandoned by his own family
Alone in every sense of the word

 to becoming second in command in the most powerful empire in the world at that time
IN ONE DAY

and in time reunited and reconciled with his family.

I worship You, LORD.

You can do anything

Jeremiah 32:27New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

27 “I am the Lord. I am the God of all people. Is anything too hard for me?”

BUT will you?
in this particular place of my desires, fears and expectations?
I don't know what you will do.....

it may not be what i want or how I want or when  I want

My fears rise up to choke and suffocate once more

Isaiah 30:18New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

18 But the Lord wants to have mercy on you.
    So he will rise up to give you his tender love.
The Lord is a God who is always fair.
    Blessed are all those who wait for him to act!

not only are you powerful
but you are good
you are kind
you are tender hearted
you are moved with compassion
you are touched with all the feelings of our infirmity

Lamentations 3:22-24New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

22 The Lord loves us very much.
    So we haven’t been completely destroyed.
    His loving concern never fails.
23 His great love is new every morning.
    Lord, how faithful you are!
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is everything I will ever need.
    So I will put my hope in him.”

What you want to give me right now is YOURSELF 
to know you and be loved by you

1 Peter 5:6-7J.B. Phillips New Testament 

6-7 So, humble yourselves under God’s strong hand, and in his own good time he will lift you up. You can throw the whole weight of your anxieties upon him, for you are his personal concern.

This wonderful relationship with you is only possible through Jesus Christ

John 3:16New King James Version (NKJV)

16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

it is not so much that we are special but that you are love

Romans 8:32New King James Version (NKJV)

32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?

The only thing I know for sure you will give me right now is YOURSELF

YOU
Holy Spirit: filling comforting guiding

you do  not guarantee any of the things I want
or necessarily prevention of the things I fear

But you promise me yourself
right here
right now
with me
filling me heart and mind

whether i feel and am aware of it or not

YOU are here

it is enough
you are God You are God
I am yours

I love you because you have first loved me
I love you LORD

For When You feel You Could Never Recover

Near my house is a field of  avocado trees. One day, driving by I was shocked to see the trees had all their branches severely lopped off until there was truly only a 4 to 5 foot stump left and every inch had been sealed over with glaring white paint.

What before was a field of vibrant green, tall and verdant, blowing in the breeze and producing bounty was now a stark view of bare brown dirt and white skeletons dwarfed to a mere fraction of their former size.

Not a single leaf, branch or twig could be seen anywhere.

It was so distressing to see that the owners of the field felt compelled to post a small sign providing a phone number that those concerned for the trees could call and they would explain this drastic procedure.

Beautiful large and strong branches had been violently severed from their only source of life, never to recover.

What remained was completely sealed off - isolated into itself.

Sometimes we go through a season where this mirrors our experience.
The cutting is so deep and so pervasive and prolonged, we feel we may never recover from this. Ever.

Made all the more painful by the sight of the beautiful branches laying severed and lifeless on the ground.  What took large amounts of time, energy and resources to produce, is now lost and dying.

Seemingly a senseless loss.  One can imagine no purpose or meaning to this.

And yet, the wise farmer knows the long term benefit of such outweighs the loss.
Please Lord, let us hear your words and let them sink deep down in.

 1-3 “I am the Real Vine and my Father is the Farmer. He cuts off every branch of me that doesn’t bear grapes. And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes back so it will bear even more. You are already pruned back by the message I have spoken.

Please Lord, let us hear you.  Sometimes you prune off what is not fruit bearing in our lives. 

But sometimes you prune off even what IS fruit bearing.  It appears senseless and meaningless.  But you do have an end result we cannot see or even imagine right now.

Please help us to keep open and vulnerable and trusting in you.  To let your word still reach my heart.  To not shut you out or harden my heart to you.  To grieve with you and through the tears and loss, know you can bring life from death, light into darkness. 

4 “Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me.

Yes, Lord, help me to pursue You and a deeper relationship with you.  Please help me to communicate honestly with you and let your words of hope and comfort in. To know you are with me and will not leave me.  Praise you that anyone, ANYONE can be connected to you through what you have done to die in our place and take away my sins and shame.

5-8 “I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how my Father shows who he is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as my disciples.

This is all you ask of me, not to separate myself from you. Not to run away and shut you and others out. Not to give into the rage and pain and despair. To let you hold my hand and hold me in this. 

9-10 “I’ve loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you’ll remain intimately at home in my love. That’s what I’ve done—kept my Father’s commands and made myself at home in his love.  John 15:1-10 The Message

Yes, Lord Jesus, help me to make my home in your love, to turn my gaze onto your beautiful face and rest in who you are. 

23 Jesus answered, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word. My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him.   
John 14:23 Holman

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,goodness, faith,[a] 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, we must also follow the Spirit. 
Galatians 5:22-25 Holman

Who believes what we’ve heard and seen?
    Who would have thought God’s saving power would look like this?

2-6 The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling,
    a scrubby plant in a parched field.
There was nothing attractive about him,
    nothing to cause us to take a second look.
He was looked down on and passed over,
    a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.
One look at him and people turned away.
    We looked down on him, thought he was scum.
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
    our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.
We thought he brought it on himself,
    that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
    that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
    Through his bruises we get healed.
We’re all like sheep who’ve wandered off and gotten lost.
    We’ve all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we’ve done wrong,
    on him, on him.

Isaiah 53:1-6 The Message

Yes, Lord, you are working in ways I could never see or imagine
In where I only see loss, you see what I cannot
You want to bring me deeper into yourself
Praise you that through your wounding we are made whole
I love you, Lord

The following post by Bonnie Gray was a great comfort to me:

http://www.faithbarista.com/2016/03/why-we-all-need-someone-onewordlent/