Journeying towards the God of Peace

Philippians 4:6-9
J.B. Phillips New Testament 

^6-7 Don’t worry over anything whatever; tell God every detail of your needs in earnest and thankful prayer, and the peace of God which transcends human understanding, will keep constant guard over your hearts and minds as they rest in Christ Jesus.^8-9 Here is a last piece of advice. If you believe in goodness and if you value the approval of God, fix your minds on the things which are holy and right and pure and beautiful and good. Model your conduct on what you have learned from me, on what I have told you and shown you, and you will find the God of peace will be with you.

Enjoying brunch with my very good friends whom I love dearly...

My one friend was describing how her mother would gladly take her daughter and new baby to care for on a moment's notice - and how wonderful to know there is someone there to rely on besides you - you are not alone in this sometimes overwhelming place we call life, as we now  know it.

Love and gladness welling up in my heart for my friend was also instantaneously intertwined with sharp, piercing and painful longings and sadness....

How it hurts to want
to want what she was describing,
 what is not likely to happen in my experience.

She turned to me, and expressed such kindness to me 
 she knew this lovely picture she was painting with her words was also creating pain for me.

The eyes of all upon me, What could I say?

How to live in this in-between time?

with the pain that is in-between what I so earnestly wish and long for

and what it is

what I wish this relationship was like

and acceptance of what it is 

without bitterness

to walk in truth and love 

believing God for great and awesome things that he is so able to do

and acceptance of what is given right here and now

the limits of this friendship

this relationship

the limits of my time 

energy

focus 

abilities, desires etc

I answered with truth, "Yes, it hurts but I am so glad for you. I have been given such wonderful gifts of God too, just not this one. I rejoice with you."

but the conversation fell flat 

no one spoke for a few minutes 

and then conversation resumed on a different topic

affirming the truth and love for her was helpful

but the pain in my heart remained

what to do with that?

I am comforted by this verse: 

Don’t worry over anything whatever; tell God every detail of your needs in earnest and thankful prayer, and the peace of God which transcends human understanding, will keep constant guard over your hearts and minds as they rest in Christ Jesus.

He is inviting me to tell him every detail about what I feel, what I long for, what hurts, what I wish for, what I desire. 

I do not have to speak in polite generalities with God

He wants me to tell him everything, in detail

in earnest and thankful prayer

prayer that brings me to Him and to his peace
is a healthy mixture of:

request 
praise,
supplication (strong crying or emotion)
and thanksgiving  

So many times I do try to be thankful before God and others

To take the time think, recognize and acknowledge 
all of God's bountiful care, kindness and generosity and love

however giving thanks alone and acknowledging truth alone is only half of what is represented here

in the same manner

Talking to God only about what hurts, what angers and burns, what gireves and confuses

does help to relieve and soothe my soul 

but has the danger of sucking my soul down into hopelessness and despair 

self-pity and a whirlpool that drowns

I am comforted that here I am told to express all of them together

Philippians 4:6-7
New King James Version (NKJV)
⁶ Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; ⁷ and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Praise to remind who God is and His amazing love and power and wisdom and care

this is always helpful, yes?

thanksgiving to acknowledge what he has given and is giving

to help me see beyond how I feel right now and to what I am not seeing correctly

supplication - strong crying to give vent to my soul

it does not have to be tidy, pretty, correct or acceptable 

it just has to be what is 

being able to articulate and identify what needs to be released

expressed, 

redeemed 

processed in my soul right now

my needs in detail 

not hiding but the truth of what

I really want

I really long for

I want

I need

Helping me to recognize and articulate what is

A transforming prayer has a healthy combination of all of these elements

and can bring me into vibrant connection with the living God

who is both truth and love

whose peace can calm my soul and then I can think more clearly how to answer my friend being both truthful and loving to her

"I love you my friend and rejoice with you in the blessing God is giving

I do also hurt and so long for my own mom who can never come and be with me

and share in the lives of my children"

I thank you Lord for giving me a mom who loved me so, and was such a powerful and living display of your love

I ask you for grace to walk with you through this love, joy, hurt, thankfulness and desire

I need you to bring your peace into the deep places where there is still grieving to do

pain to walk through with you 

and also opportunity to see that I was given a precious gift that many others never had 

Let me hold my soul before you in all its raw and bleeding places

keep it open for you to touch,  and transform

an honest communion with you who alone can bring peace

and to enter into relationships of vulnerability and intimacy where your love can flow between us. 

"Rejoice with Jerusalem, and be glad for her,all you who love her, rejoice with her in joy, all you who mourn over her that you may nurse and be satisfied from her consoling breast; that you may drink deeply with delight from her glorious abundance."
For thus says the LORD;'Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river and the glory of the nations like an overflowing stream;and you shall nurse, you shall be carried upon her hip, and bounced upon her knees. as one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you, you shall be comforted in Jerusalem,"
Isaiah 66:10-13 ESV